Month 8 (Part 4) Not journey’s end but the start of a new phase

The things some guys will say to get out of a date! Actually do believe this one. The week-end I had so been looking forward to didn’t happen, sadly due to an awful industrial accident, my date was very seriously injured. He was hospitalised and although is now home recovering, I guess the last thing on his mind for now is a romp with me! He e-mailed me to tell me what had happened and say he was sorry but needed to go to bed – there was no innuendo there. I haven’t heard from him for 7 days so am a bit worried, not from my perspective but for him. As I don’t know where he lives exactly, I can’t even take him jelly and ice-cream! I felt as though I had rehearsed for a play that was pulled before the opening night!

Time will tell whether we’ll ever try out the suggested life-style, meanwhile I shall carry on dating, trying to keep an open mind. Thing is, I suppose, as I said in one of the earlier blogs, once the genie is out of the bottle, there’s no getting it back in. I cannot unlearn what I have been learning, but again, if I choose not to try it out, I guess it will slip into the background but I have become more liberal and broad-minded in the process and that cannot be a bad thing.

The prospect of two 2nd dates put a smile back on my face. The first on Monday evening was with R (51) from Newington which followed a similar pattern to the previous one but there was a lot of flirting and teasing in the build up to it so it culminated in dares as to what we would or wouldn’t wear and neither of us backed down. A pretty hot date all round and we both went away with silly grins on our faces.

Then the next day, I got an unexpected message from B (51) from Westbrook. I say unexpected because I hadn’t heard from him since our first date which surprised me as I thought we had both found it pretty hot. I thought the change of heart had been because I wouldn’t promise exclusivity but he now admits he was thrown because I said I wanted a social life too and he was worried about people making wrong assumptions about being seen out with his Mum….. OK, I guess that’s not unreasonable. Just wish he’d said that was the problem, however it seems he personally doesn’t have any issue with the age difference. Guess some people are more worried about public perceptions than others. I suppose I would have been a few months ago though in my defence I did date a 24 year old man when I was 15 who later became my husband and age different relationships were a lot less common then so guess I’ve always slightly gone against ‘the norm’.

He asked if we could meet later that day (he works nights) but I was working so we agreed that the next day would work well for both of us and he invited me to his home and I accepted. There were a lot of messages back and forth that day and a late night video call when he was at work. I woke early and spent time getting ready and doing what needed to be done before leaving home. Finally, I texted for the address and he said he couldn’t meet, he was too tired and would have to work that night. It all sounded too lame so I suggested it might be the age thing again. He said not but admitted there was a problem in my coming to his home as it was not tidy etc. Now actually I absolutely understand that, but why did he suggest it in the first place, or if having thought about it later, cancel at that point? It’s the second time I have got ready for a date to have it cancelled at the last minute and it is not only disappointing, it is a tad humiliating too, especially as in this case, there was no doubt what the expectation of the date was.  I am philosophical and know that it is part of the dating process but do feel let down and irritated. At the moment, I am hoping that something else will happen this week so I finish my regular blog on a high.

Still promises of a future meet from T (55) from Gt. Yarmouth, R (67) from Twickenham, S (60) from Wisbech, D (61) of Ipswich, a massage from A (55) from Westgate and of course M (42) from London. Pity that most of them are so far away! There are also a few others who keep occasional contact so I’m not giving up yet.  Indeed a new name cropped up this week who is local and I am meeting him tonight. Who know what the future holds?

I guess what I have learnt overall is that it’s never too late to try new things and dipping your toe in the water of anything unfamiliar can be a little scary but also very invigorating. I would advise anyone else embarking on a similar journey to mine, whatever their age, to be cautious and not take everyone at face value but that there really are nice people out there and there is good fun to be had, even with people you’ll never meet but are sharing a similar experience with. If nothing else, I have some sexy ‘penfriends’!

I may write the occasional blog on this thread from now on but only if I feel I have something interesting to say. If you want to be notified when I post, you’ll have to press the ‘follow’ button so you get an e-mail when I post or just check back occasionally. I’ll continue to write but may not post it, but then if in retrospect I think any of the ‘storylines’ were worth following I’ll have the right information already written. Beyond that, maybe I‘ll think about another blog. Anyone got any ideas what it should be about? Answers on a postcard (or leave a comment here, better still!).

Once again, thank you anyone who has given me support and encouragement, either publicly or privately. All feedback was much appreciated.Bouquet

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Month 8 (Part 3) Nearing the end of the journey

I feel slightly in a state of limbo, excited but a little nervous about the week-end ahead when I hope to meet the gent who has made me this tempting offer and how it might be pivotal to my future life, yet, at the same time, a bit irritated because a lot of fellows I am hoping to meet up with are unable to find the time or source a suitable venue or whatever just when I am ready to move forward. How very dare they not be available at the click of my fingers! I think my Domme personality is beginning to raise its head but not necessarily with the right people, though having read the blog, two or three men have offered to let me take charge!  I have hidden my profile on both dating sites again till things sort themselves out. I have plenty of contacts for now and will see how things go. Some go back almost to the start of my dating journey though we haven’t met yet but they are obviously still interested so I won’t be greedy and encourage more!

Research is still continuing into D/s relationships and how they work and I’m even watching occasional porn clips which I would have been appalled at watching a few months ago. How my boundaries have moved! Even now, I can’t say I enjoy porn but am more interested from a technical point of view.

I think also maybe my blog has run its course. It was never meant to be about my sex life but about my dating journey and whether next week-end’s meeting, assuming it goes ahead, is successful or not, and whether I finally decide to follow that course with my life, I can certainly say I have had the most mind-blowing journey and I’ve enjoyed sharing it. I have also been gratified by the comments and messages of support I’ve received from interested readers. I never thought it would have the wider appeal it seems to have gathered en route. Who knows, maybe I’ll find something else to blog about? I shall certainly write for at least one more week as I 69think some regular  followers may be interested but I’ll see after that. I’m not sure where the journey could now take me and I don’t want it to become boring. It was my birthday a few days ago, I am now 69 which has been commented that it’s an interesting number to be, maybe that’s why it is time to stop writing and start living more.

Month 8 (part 2) Domme training!

Well who’d have thought it? I, the archetypal ‘vanilla sex’ girl, is considering becoming a Domme to a very nice man if we get on well enough when we meet. Although my earlier reading has made me more knowledgeable about the world of BDSM, I didn’t really think I would be considering making this my future sex life! Not sure all my other potential dates would like to see me that way either, I guess, but shall certainly carry on dating till decisions are made and if it does work out, some may be happy to be ‘Friends with Benefits’ as it seems that is allowed in my new role.

If I do agree to go that route, I will embrace it to the best of my ability, hence, once again DommeI am reading avidly books and recommended websites. It actually all sounds pretty awesome! I am aware I’ve always been a bit on the bossy side, a natural organiser and leader but never visualised myself as a Domme. Thank goodness he says I don’t have to dress in leather and wield a whip! I’ll try and keep an open mind but am becoming more and more attracted to the idea the more I talk to him about it. I also need to be very sure that I am making any commitment for the right reasons, there is a lot to consider, not least my Christian faith, which is important to me. Have even discussed the possibility with my vicar, all a bit distressing but heard nothing I wasn’t expecting. However, I am still trying to square the circle and don’t need to make decisions yet.

Meanwhile other dating chats continue. R (67) of Twickenham hadn’t taken offence at my blog at all, he’d just been poorly so not in touch. We postponed our date till he is fully recovered and I am less busy. M (42) of London has also been back in touch. It seems he just can stay away and just as I blogged how proud of him I was for giving me up!!

R of Twickenham is, by his own admission becoming RR (Randy R…). There are frequent chats and video calls, I seem to be taking daily selfies for him – and others – and I hate being in photos at the best of times but then it seems I am becoming a new woman so perhaps that is why I am taking it in my stride.

I will also not put up with guys who only know me slightly through chat and / or one meeting, telling me what I should or should not be doing with my sex life. I put my point of view but if they don’t accept it then I can’t be bothered with them. Luckily I am fortunate to have options and will make my own mind up what I will or won’t do in my own time and my own way so G of Chelmsford (who thinks I’m greener than Kermit) and D of Charing have joined others in the reject file

I thought I was actually going to get a massage this week from A (55) from Westgate but we need somewhere discreet and he wasn’t available mid-week on an evening when I was free and he can’t afford the price of a hotel room at week-end rates and I’m sure not paying for it so that will stay in abeyance for now.

Very much looking forward to a meeting, hopefully next week, with S (60) of Wisbech and maybe R of Twickenham soon too so hope springs eternal.

dominatrix2

Month 8 (Part 1) – “I can resist anything except temptation” – Oscar Wilde

Was told my last blog was depressing and when queried this with another was told that while it might not be depressing was maybe a little glum! Such are the ups and downs of dating but don’t wish to be either glum or depressing so happy to announce that this week has been much brighter!

It has been an interesting week: thought I had a date booked on Friday with the guy who last stood me up because he had to wait in for a parcel to be delivered. (Asked him what was in the parcel and he said a router so I told him he could think of me each time he used it and sent him a saucy pic!). Well I’d made him wait six weeks or so for another chance and eventually he made it back on the list. When we fixed the date a week ago I said not to let me down again and to confirm by mid-week if it was going ahead. Nothing heard so he’s in the reject file too and blocked on WhatsApp.

That said, another guy with the same forename but from a different town made contact, was very keen to meet and even took time off work to do so. At least with the first one deleted, I won’t send stuff to the wrong person! I met B (51) from Westbrook in a nearby town. We’d chatted on WhatsApp from the beginning as he was only on site 5 for a couple of days as was playing ducks and drakes with someone from work on the same site and didn’t want her to see him there. Apparently gossip is rife. We got on so well we agreed to meet within two days of first making contact but the weather was against us. It absolutely teemed with rain, so much so that he’d have got soaked in seconds walking to our agreed meeting place so I drove closer to pick him up. Windows were steamed up even before I met him and the rain was relentless. We abandoned the idea of a drink in a local hostelry as we’d have looked like drowned rats before we’d made it out of the car park so just drove to the cliffs and had our ‘get to know you’ type chat there and enjoyed each other’s company for a couple of hours.

Rain On Screen LargeG (51) of Chelmsford mentioned in Month 4 (part 2) blog got in touch again and said he’d like to meet; likewise S (60) from Wisbech, with whom I had been chatting on and off for over a month, who said he would soon be visiting his son who lives relatively locally.  I’d already arranged a date with R (67) of Twickenham for next week, though now actually think that last week’s blog has irritated him so he may not show, which is a shame, but overall I am feeling optimistic.

Had an audio telephone conversation with J (64) of Ulster, first mentioned in month 4 (part 3) blog. We have messaged fairly regularly since we first met on-line but this had been the first time we had actually heard each other’s voices. He liked my accent and I his. It also amazed me how someone who comes over so shy on-line can so come out of his shell when actually speaking. It seems he’s worried about being kicked off the site if he says the wrong things although I assured him if that were the case, not only I but most of the men I chat to would have been thrown off long ago but he’s not convinced.

I have received a very tempting offer if a certain gent and I hit it off but the question is, do I feel comfortable in accepting it? He is looking for a ‘strong minded lady’.  Incredibly, his main sexual pleasure is to do anything he is told to by ‘his lady’ to please her. He looks at this completely unselfishly as he ‘is programmed‘ by events in his past to do this and he gets his satisfaction from almost venerating [my word as I feel even less comfortable with his] her body in every way, even to the extent that he is happy for her to take lovers whilst he would be utterly faithful. Sounds so hedonistic but having heard his back-story, I actually do believe that this is what he wants but I am struggling to get my head round it. Apart from the fact that I am used to being monogamous, unless I really fell in love with him, I couldn’t help but feel I was using him which does not sit easy with me at all. The whole story has blown my hat off and I can think of little else at the moment. I am trying to keep an open mind until we meet. I think I will even give it a go to see if it helps me make up my mind, but although an offer like his (and I can’t give more details) will only come once in my lifetime, the jury’s out as to whether I feel I can accept it, if indeed he is still offering it to me after we meet. Time will tell…..

Month 7 (Part 2) – A funny (peculiar) old week

Things sometimes happen so fast in this game that even I have trouble keeping up. Barely had I posted my previous blog when I found out (because I asked whether I had upset him) that one of my two gents living in London is suddenly no longer interested. What a sudden turnabout. It is either because I gave him a link to this blog or because I touched a nerve with a question – but he had said I could ask anything! I’m sorry as he seemed really nice but it can’t be helped and I will just move on having wished him luck for his future dating. A couple of days later the other London guy deleted his profile but as I had him on WhatsApp too, I asked if he wanted me to delete those details too. He just said he was not well at the moment and decided to take a break. He didn’t ask me to delete so I’ve kept them and he can contact me if and when he is ready. The fellow from the market town I seem to have jinxed stayed in touch though and although he later deleted his profile, has my contact details and I believe will stay in touch.

I arranged to meet D (50) from Charing for a cup of tea which was interesting as he too has stories to tell. He happened to be in a neighbouring town for a training and we took advantage of the proximity to my home to meet. cup of teaDaytime meets always feel a bit less like a date to me and more just a chat but it’s fine for deciding whether there is any chemistry there or not. We talked about several subjects apart from dating such as spirituality which made a welcome change. We did have a bit of a kiss and cuddle in the car after but it’s a bit inhibiting in daylight. However, we both enjoyed each other’s company and agreed to meet next time for a ‘proper date’.

More interest from various quarters but difficult in the early stages to see if it will lead anywhere, especially if there are distances to travel but time will tell. R (51) from Newington with whom I had a nice if rather brief date last week (mentioned in previous blog) had planned a surprise second date with me next week – think it was to stretch over a day and evening but haven’t been told the details yet – has just been told he has to work all week when he thought he would have time off. As I shall be doing temporary work for the following 6 weeks or so, it seems the kibosh is on that! Maybe we can still fit in a coffee or a drink somewhere but it is a bit disappointing. I could do with someone planning something a bit exciting!

It’s a funny old [dating] world, a day or so after writing the previous paragraph, 3 things happened to give me a lift in unexpected ways:

G (43) from Worthing said he would try and organise a meet in the next few days – surely it’s got to work sometime? (It didn’t!).

I had an early morning sexting conversation with a friend in the Midlands but then couldn’t get back on the website – I know it’s possible to be thrown off these sites and they are monitored to some degree but have never been banned from anywhere in my life! Surely I’m not that bad!! The guy I was talking to also couldn’t access it which made it worse but suggested the site might have crashed, time will tell but I’m not worried, just amused. (Later found site had crashed but shows I had a guilty conscience!)

A lady who writes a blog I’m following who sex-chats professionally is now following this blog, I’m flattered she’s interested or maybe she’s just being kind.

Just got a really odd message, this is how it started: Forgive me for emailing you out of the blue today. I don’t know how to say this but my good friend seems to like your profile and what you wrote about yourself .He is not on the dating site, i was talking him into online dating & while taking him through the process i decided to show him how to search single ladies on [site 5] so apparently your profile came up in our search criteria and he was really intrigued by your profile. His name is [PH] 59 yrs caucasian white he’s currently living in Rotherham, UK and you are the only woman that caught his attention and he compliments your pretty photo and lovely profile. It will be nice to have a chat with, well i am not trying to paint him good but from his interest I think you might want to connect with him. I think you could give this try.  It went on in this vein for more than twice the length of the extract posted above and gave me the friend’s e-mail and phone number. If the guy lives in Rotherham it hardly seems a viable potential relationship anyway and I said so.  However I said if he wanted to e-mail me, he could, providing when he does so, he includes a photo and tells me a bit about himself. I shall wait with baited breath!

Had a date at short notice with A (55) of Westgate on Sea. He’s a foreign national and was very nervous as his English is not brilliant but he is very sweet and, even better, trained as a masseur in his home country –tempting! I expect we will meet again some time.

Had a second date with him a week later but followed the same pattern. I don’t think it can go anywhere but he is a good kisser!

Next day I sent a message saying that due to language difficulties, I couldn’t see a relationship developing but if he fancied more of the same from time to time till one of us formed an attachment, then I was willing and he understands and agrees. Feel better for that.

PS Guy in Rotherham never made contact and his friend who wrote to me must have blocked me as all the conversations have disappeared. Very peculiar!

Month 5 (Part 2) The Cougar is prowling!

G (43) of Worthing had been chatting with me for two or three weeks and we got on really well. He had been out with older women before and preferred their company and conversation. As I was talking to him and M of Fulham mentioned previously, during the same period, I was struggling to make up my mind which I preferred and decided I’d meet both. As M was a ‘no show’ as mentioned before, the field was open for G. Although we both decided that a first date where I couldn’t talk was a bit of a farce so decided to postpone, we were, I think, equally disappointed. We ended up texting on KIK most of the evening so it was almost like a remote first date! We both were really looking forward to Friday and had even made tentative plans if we got on ok then, we might meet again the following Monday. The problem was that the distance between us geographically was an issue and March was scheduled to be a very busy month for me away from the dating scene (how inconvenient!). Sadly a family crisis arose for G that week and we not only didn’t get to meet on the Friday but not the following Monday either. I didn’t feel rejected as I understand family come first.

Very luckily for me, out of the blue on that Sunday I was contacted by a very handsome young man, R(46) from Woodstock, yet another who had ‘made a mistake’ in his age on his profile! He asked whether the change of age was an issue and I said not at all, more of an issue was the distance between us geographically. He then told me he often worked in my area so it need not be an issue at all, so I said that the next time he was working my way to drop me a line. Then the bombshell, “Well actually I’m working there tomorrow, is that too short notice?”  I was aware that I had sort of promised that if he was available I would see G that evening and told R that, but I was definitely free in the afternoon and if I hadn’t heard from G could be free for the evening too. Well G didn’t make contact, I am sure he will eventually, but I met with R and we spent a very pleasant few hours in each other’s company though I think I did more chatting than him. We had a few drinks and dinner and a bit of a kiss and cuddle. We seemed to enjoy one another’s company and said we’d meet again. I hope we do.

Ham eggschips

Becoming a daily problem but actually a guilty pleasure is M (42) from London who sooo much wants to come down and is convinced he can seduce me and I won’t be able to resist. Trouble is, he could be right but as he has a girlfriend whom he says he cares for but just doesn’t give him enough sex that for me is a no-no. I’m not in the business of deceit but I have to say I do find him very attractive and whether he is lying or not, he certainly makes me feel desirable. Trouble is, also, I think the more I turn him down, the more determined he is to make me change my mind. I suppose I should block him but if I’m honest I actually enjoy our conversations, they make me feel sexy hence as I say, he’s my guilty pleasure. Thank goodness he doesn’t drive so would have to come down by train and I would have to meet him at the station. At least that’s a safety measure!! I suspect if I let him meet me, my rules about limits on activities on first dates would go right out of the window. Better I don’t let him near me! To add to my discomfort, he rang me early one morning and I sleepily answered it without realising it was a video call. He really is a naughty fellow. I suppose I shouldn’t have gone along with it but did anyway. Left me with a smile on my face but think he was a little late for work.

Month 4 (Part 3) The search continues

J (58) from Birmingham, mentioned in the last blog contacted me again and said could we have another phone conversation continuing the ‘counselling session’ re the boy in the swimming baths etc. I was going to be on my own that evening so I agreed and he said he would send me some pictures that would help ‘make me feel horny’ so I would be ready for our phone call. He asked what would turn me on and I honestly didn’t know. He tried me out with gay and lesbian porn of various sorts and whilst some of it was fascinating in a disbelieving sort of way I had to admit that none of it excited me at all and I deleted it. He said I’d need to ask questions that would force him to tell stuff about the incidents at school etc. and I tried to formulate some questions but my heart wasn’t in it. The last straw came when he said he wouldn’t be ready for the phone call for a couple of hours. I said that whilst I was on my own now, I might not be in a couple of hours. He was not a happy bunny.  I said that this stuff is just not me and he should look for someone else and he agreed to call it a day saying if I knew someone else who would like to play, would I put them in touch? (Any of my readers like contact details??). Pity about the massage though, that’s both my potential masseurs in the reject file! I’m obviously just a ‘vanilla sex’ sort of girl.

J (64) in Ulster knows he’s in an impossible situation. There isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell we’re going to meet for a coffee and a chat but he pleaded to just be able to talk on line for a while. Even that was a struggle as every line of conversation I tried to open was answered with just one or two words. There was no photo at first but when I protested, he did post one up long enough for me to copy it and then took it down again. It seems he’s afraid his ‘date from hell’ will see it. I did say he could block her but he’s really worried about her and it’s a shame as he has little chance with the profile he’s got and no picture. He looks very friendly and I do feel sorry for him as he’s out on a limb. However, I told him that trying to hold a conversation with him was like stirring treacle. I said we’d try again and gave him another opening lead and he was obviously trying harder. He started to relax a bit over the following days but then, because I was sometimes multi-tasking when chatting with him so slow in responding, he started to go all shy again. I feel bad because he’s said some really lovely things to me but it’s really a waste of time for both of us. However, we are still in touch occasionally.

I got a surprise e-mail from A of Canterbury with whom I’d had the best first date with thus far, asking if I fancied another kiss and cuddle. I barely hesitated. At first the plan was that we’d go out for dinner but as it was glass-of-red-winethe Saturday before St. Valentine’s day and it was short notice, restaurants were busy. The plan changed and he said if I wanted to go to his home, he’d cook a meal and we could watch a film. I thought about it carefully as I realised I would be in a more vulnerable position but decided to throw caution to the wind and go and enjoy the evening, but did insist on driving my own car there (he’d offered to pick me up) and I put safety measures in place in case I got out of my depth and needed an excuse to get away. I am pleased to report that the meal was lovely (indeed he also has a beautiful house) however, I didn’t quite see all of ‘A Street Cat Named Bob’ due to our having quite a passionate cuddle.

I was due to meet P (74 ) of Bexhill who was going to travel to Ashford by train and again I said I’d meet him at the station and we’d have coffee locally. This time we had a phone call first so I didn’t have the same problem as the previous week with S of Shoeburyness. I’d always had reservations about the geographical distance between us and a few days before we were due to meet, he obviously also had the same reservations. He messaged and apologised profusely for letting me down but said he just didn’t think any sort of relationship was viable due to distances and I quite agreed and was a bit grateful he’d called off.

That said, I would have had two more first meets that week but had to cancel one as I had to wait in for an engineer to fix my boiler but as he is local, it was no problem. I did, however, meet at relatively short notice with R (63) from Dover. Meeting in a popular hostelry roughly equidistant between us for a coffee, we chatted easily but although each thought the other really nice, we were quite frank about what we hoped to get out of a relationship and decided that we had quite different agendas so one more profile ended up in the ‘reject file’. Perhaps it was time to meet up with some of my younger suiters or would they back off once offered an actual date?

Month 4 (Part 2) BDSM discussions

I’ve always tried to be polite and respond to everyone who even just says ’Hello’. I can’t eschew a lifetime of courtesy! The disadvantage of this is it opens up conversations with men I am not interested in, even if I tell them that as kindly as possible from my first message. Some are more pushy than others but please, do look at the screen shot I post here, this after only 4 exchanges each way. He has two young boys of 6 and 3 (said his wife died in childbirth after the second which may or may not be true).2017-02-01-22-38-47 The man is unhinged, I tried blocking twice but didn’t work well from my phone, by which time he was asking where I live etc. There was success when my daughter tried from a laptop –she also reported him to the site on my behalf for threatening and frightening messages. Kind of her and she’s probably right but she needn’t be quite so protective, I love her for it though! I did think his message was an interesting, if not unique, chat-up line!

I had a very long and frank WhatsApp conversation with G of Chelmsford (53) in which we established, I think, we would get on quite well outside the bedroom but things started to go pear-shaped when I realised he not only has a shoe fetish (no problem with that) but that he is also really into aspects of BDSM though would not insist I partake if we were together. I actually got a bit upset at the end of the evening and said I felt stupid and weak.  There was a lot to think about and he said I wasn’t as open minded as I protested and that I should read 50 Shades of Grey for a start. (It so happened I had been lent all 4 volumes though it’s never been a book that had appealed to me but thus challenged I read all 4 over the following 2 weeks.)

He contacted me first thing the next day and asked if I was ok and we continued with a perfectly normal conversation then he said that he was so relieved as he had thought I was ‘going to bale’ after our conversation the night before. I said I had seriously considered it but I did like him and had decided I would be happy to stay in touch for the time being. He said he was very relieved.

It’s really odd, but less than a week later, I was also contacted by J of Birmingham (58). We started a normal chat and then he said could I act as his councillor over an incident when he was 14 with a boy in the changing room in swimming lessons. I said I’d listen but was no councillor but then I said ‘Are we playing a game here?’  I am not going into details, but the conversation changed from messaging to phone but all the time, I was slightly out of my depth and not sure what was real and what was pretend. I had said this was a one off and when I was talking to him I was thinking ‘I’ll block him after this conversation’. However, we actually had a really long and interesting chat about BDSM and all sorts of ‘deviations’. He said the incident in the changing room was absolutely true. He has been a long time practitioner of BDSM and said that many people who practice it do so in an abusive way and that many got their ideas from films like 50 Shades! I said I hadn’t seen the films but was at present reading the books. Anyway, the upshot of the conversation was that I was aware that he is a highly intelligent man and I’m not as appalled as I thought I might be by some of the ideas he has planted. I’ve actually not blocked him nor deleted his number from my phone – especially as he says he’s a good masseur (G of Chelmsford claims this too, does it go with the territory?). Gosh! What is happening to me?

Date number 4 was with S (62) from Shoeburyness. He travelled by train and I met him at the station in a nearby town. I knew he was really eager before we met, he is keen on travel and some of the other interests I had listed but I knew within a minute of meeting him that I was going to struggle with this date. A good friend who has already successfully completed this process warned me at the outset that she never met anyone she hadn’t spoken to on the phone. I should have listened. As soon as he spoke I knew he wasn’t for me. He said he didn’t drink alcohol so I said ‘I drink like a fish’ (a slight exaggeration but true on occasions) but it didn’t put him off. However he had travelled a long way and I felt I at least owed him the date he had come down for and that he got but I did tell him early on that, for me, there was no spark. He soldiered on still hoping against hope I would change my mind. He was really smitten with me, which made it harder. In his head we were lovers who would be going on lovely holidays. The places in which he thought he would like to make love with me at least showed a bit of imagination! Cheeky devil even admitted that he had hoped to persuade me to go to a hotel with him that night. I told him that even if he’d been the bee’s knees he wouldn’t have succeeded in that!

I tried to let him down lightly but I hate hurting peoples’ feelings. He asked ‘Could we remain friends with benefits?’ but I said there would still have to be a spark for that, then could we just remain friends and he would come and see me whenever I wasn’t busy? He thought I might change my mind on reflection but I won’t. Gosh, I hate this part of the process. I agreed to remain friends for the time being but only if he kept searching for someone else. He sent several very explicit messages that evening to which I didn’t respond. I thought about it overnight and decided to put an end to it for his sake and mine and messaged him to that effect next morning but wishing him luck.

Post Script:  G of Chelmsford has gone back to his ex-girlfriend but said as I was a nice honest lady he didn’t mind if we kept in touch. I responded that it wouldn’t be fair on his girlfriend so to delete our conversations but keep my mob. details if he wished. I said I would not message him again unless he made contact first and wished him well, hoping that his relationship would really work for him and I meant it. However that means in one day my shortlist diminished by 2. Luckily there are several in the wings waiting to move up and new contacts most days. This is definitely a numbers game and the only way I can deal with it is to be a bit methodical. Sounds cold but I think if in any other way I won’t know which way to turn. I fixed a date for the following week with P (73) of Bexhill. Decided I’d deal with the oldest contender first before venturing out with some of the very attractive younger men who seem to genuinely want to date though obviously not looking for a long term relationship. One of those who lives relatively close has just said he’d like to meet so hope springs eternal!

 

Month 3 (Part 4) GILF or Mrs Robinson?

I mentioned in my last blog that there were young men in their 20’s contacting me. Most I was able to fob off in a light-hearted way, telling them they would be better going out and making friends of their own age in the real world than mailing ladies like me.  Apart from my African lad mentioned before, there were two others who have had quite an effect on me, one not for the good. I’ll talk about the latter first, J of Lancaster, 24 years old. A budding entrepreneur who has started his own business, he just wanted to talk to an older woman and that perhaps I could advise him. I’m such a softy! We messaged for a while on the site then he asked if we could use WhatsApp and I agreed.

The conversation continued during the afternoon but gradually got more personal. Then he or I (can’t remember whom) had other things to do and we said goodbye. I had remarked that his photo on the website was so ‘arty’ that I couldn’t actually see the features on his face.  Later that evening he was messaging me again and he said he’d taken a picture just for me. It was a face and bare shoulders shot showing his delicate face complete with lip piercings. He asked to talk some more and against my better judgement we did, including a short video chat. I am not going to go into details but the upshot was, I thought, a very happy young man at the finish but he said he needed to disappear for 5 minutes and that was the last I saw or heard from him for 10 days. I was so worried in case he was more vulnerable than I had thought. I didn’t worry that night but messaged him both on WhatsApp and the website over the next couple of days just to ask if he was ok and said if he’d just confirm that, I’d not contact him again, but nothing. I felt really guilty and although it was he who had made all the running, I felt as if I’d seduced him.  I was even beginning to worry that I had been such a bad influence that he might have harmed himself. 4 days later, I could bear it no longer. I telephoned his number, he answered but when I said ‘J, are you OK?’ he just hung up. That was enough though. I had recognised his voice and so felt relieved. I didn’t expect to ever hear from him again but some 10 days later he messaged me again out of the blue. I told him in no uncertain terms what he had put me through and said I wasn’t going to go through that again. He didn’t apologise, said I was being silly and that he’d had trouble with his phone but it was all fixed now which, apart from the fact he’d answered his phone, didn’t explain all. He could have contacted me through the website.  He said he still liked me and wanted to talk. I told him he was a lovely young man and wished him every success in his life but I was now going to delete our conversations and his contact details from my phone (I’d archived our earlier conversation just in case I later found out I was to blame for him doing something silly). He tried ringing me three times in quick succession whilst I was doing this but I declined them and blocked his number. I never want to feel that guilty again.

There is less to say about the other young man who is 20.  I think our friendship has been rather inspiring and encouraging on both sides. Because he first made contact just after I had gone through the wringer with J (above) he got the whole story and was so supportive and kind. I think I have helped him too and been a friend but now we’ve both decided we need to break apart gently. Contact details have been deleted so we only ‘speak’ on the website and that will gradually cease. He is a fine young man and I hope his parents are very proud of him.

I have decided no more chats with different young men in their 20’s, I am having enough trouble keeping up with those in their 30’s and 40’s! Trouble there is that I can talk the talk but a bit scared to walk the walk in case I can’t keep up! More next time.

Month 3 (Part 3) It seems I’m a GILF!

I’m told by my very good friend who is a ‘Woman of the World’ that I needed to have read Nancy Friday’s book ‘Men in Love’, a psychological book about men’s sexual fantasies and understanding them. I took her advice and downloaded it on to my Kindle. What a HUGE book. I consider I’m a fast reader but it took me days. However, I am so glad I did as it was to stand me in good stead over the next weeks. For fun, I was also lent the DVD box set of ‘The Secret Diary of a Call Girl’ with Billie Piper. My education was expanding dramatically, in all senses!20170128_115021

The latest dating site (4) was bringing mostly a very different type of interest. The demographic of the site, as well as being international is also mainly younger and although in my search criteria I had still put 58-78 years, the interest I was attracting (with my new photos) brought messages from age 20 up. I thought it was a mistake at first but apparently not. Just one lad of 23 and living in Africa was genuinely after a pen friend (yes we ‘talk’ nearly every day and I have learnt so much about his way of life) but others who ‘only wanted to talk’ eventually disclosed they were genuinely turned on by me, fancy that!

Several in their 30’s propositioned me in no uncertain terms. 4 or 5 times I was called a GILF – I had to ask my son what it meant. For those of my generation who are also baffled and haven’t a suitable younger person to ask, I suggest you consult Google! Was I shocked? Actually, apart from being technically incorrect as I have no grandchildren, I thought it was a hoot and quite flattered.

Particularly persistent were a local guy (as no pic was a bit worried in case we knew each other – we don’t, phew!) and one from Israel who was threatening to fly in to see me. I was already with women 2 years from your country and she was 72 years old, Please try. We talk and we will see, Ok?’ was just one of his persistent messages. Both these 2 were early 30’s and I probably disgraced myself but did a deal with them both that if I sent them some pix would they please leave me alone. Selfies have never been my strong point but I managed to take some boob pix and crop my face out of them.  On the understanding they would go no further, I sent them. I can’t say I wasn’t amused at the reaction and told myself in any case it’s little different to sunbathing topless on a beach (though that’s also something I wouldn’t do these days!).  One kept his side of the bargain after a bit more chat but I had to block the other. I kept the pix on file so I wouldn’t have to take more when required (as they surely were). For those that wanted pix of other areas, they were told  ‘I might do eroticism but I don’t do porn’. In any case even if I wanted to I couldn’t reach without a selfie stick! Just one other point before I leave this subject, why is that men, even when asked specifically not to, feel compelled to send ‘dick pix’ often having measured the length? One guy completely went the wrong way about trying to persuade me to send pix. First he offered to swap and I said definitely not, then he said would I sell some for money?  I was outraged (though I was smiling) and said absolutely not. He deleted his profile within hours (or maybe the site deleted him?). It wouldn’t have changed my answer but I did think maybe I should have asked how much he would have been willing to pay!

It was about this time, that someone suggested I write a Blog so here I am but there’s more to come.