Month 9 See dem Piggies!

I revealed my profile on sites 4 and 5 again as was getting a bit frustrated with nothing moving forward. I was contacted by a guy in Manchester, shan’t give him a name initial as we shan’t be talking again but he is 54 years old. He made initial contact and I wasn’t overly attracted and as he lived a long distance away, said there wasn’t any mileage in keeping contact, but he persisted so I agreed to talk on KIK for a while to see how it went. It started off ok and whilst he was quite explicit from the outset, I went along with it for a day or two. However, he was into a type of roleplay which although I went along with it the first time, when he ‘stayed in character’ each time he contacted me I was getting increasingly uncomfortable with it. I challenged him about it more than once. He said eventually that he’d decided to drop it with me but wanted to stay in touch as he felt there was a real connection, I disagreed and said I didn’t think there was. Instead of just saying good-bye and leaving it at that, he sent me a last message saying I am obviously too old and set in my ways to change. He said that I say I’m willing to try things but am not open minded. He continued that he would delete my contact details and I just replied that maybe he’s right and that I would do the same. His idea of roleplay was incestuous and he said I needed to divorce roleplay from reality but I’m not  ashamed of being uncomfortable with that sort of activity and I was even more cross that he was asking questions about my own children. Some people do leave a nasty taste in the mouth and he’s one who has. I should have followed first instincts.

Thank goodness there were still others in regular contact who make me feel good about myself. I also resurrected 3 contacts who had shown interest in the past but I hadn’t really had time to follow through and meet. In addition I had one or two new contacts, in particular G (41) from Bridge who contacted me on Saturday and we met on the seafront of my home town the next day. A Bohemian individual, who would not usually be ‘my type’ but is obviously very intelligent and he certainly interested me. We spent a few hours ‘pub crawling’ round the town but it was difficult to find somewhere both comfortable and quiet to chat. We parted with a kiss and an agreement to meet again soon. Indeed later agreed to meet the following Saturday

I was already committed to go to Suffolk for a couple of days this week and planned to meet T (55) from Great Yarmouth on the first day and D (61) from Ipswich on the second. I duly trundled up the A12 but the pub I had chosen to stay in was truly out ‘in the sticks’ and I had trouble finding it. I didn’t arrive till just after 2pm and the kitchen had stopped serving food. As I’d left home without breakfast, I was disappointed. They couldn’t even make me a sandwich as the oven was being deep cleaned and the kitchen was out of bounds, not a happy bunny! Both meetings happened but sadly did not quite come up to expectations for different reasons, no-one’s fault but disappointing. I was supposed to have another first date on Friday evening too (strangely with someone from my ‘jinxed’ area where nothing works out) and true to form he cancelled.

Saturday arrived and I met again with G (41) of Bridge, he was supposed to be bringing a DVD to mine to watch as he’s a bit of a film buff but sadly he forgot it and my collection is not much to his taste – he likes small budget British films and old B movies not Hollywood blockbusters. Never mind, we found something to view whilst we chatted and shared a bottle or two of wine. I know we shall have quite a friendship.

My dear friend and ‘woman of the world’ has this small garden statue which I have always found amusing. I think now is a good time to share a picture of it with you as it may be my last blog. Is this ‘bringing home the bacon’?

Piggies 3cropped

I am due to meet R (67) from Twickenham on Wednesday afternoon. I shall continue to keep in touch with guys I am already talking to but shall not seek new friends for now so this may be my last blog on the subject but time will tell. Since starting my journey last October, I have had 15 first dates (most of them pleasant, if not likely to lead anywhere) and 4 second dates so I really don’t think that is excessive. I have found the whole experience enlightening and enjoyable and if I decide to return to dating sites, I’ll be so much better prepared next time.

Month 8 (Part 4) Not journey’s end but the start of a new phase

The things some guys will say to get out of a date! Actually do believe this one. The week-end I had so been looking forward to didn’t happen, sadly due to an awful industrial accident, my date was very seriously injured. He was hospitalised and although is now home recovering, I guess the last thing on his mind for now is a romp with me! He e-mailed me to tell me what had happened and say he was sorry but needed to go to bed – there was no innuendo there. I haven’t heard from him for 7 days so am a bit worried, not from my perspective but for him. As I don’t know where he lives exactly, I can’t even take him jelly and ice-cream! I felt as though I had rehearsed for a play that was pulled before the opening night!

Time will tell whether we’ll ever try out the suggested life-style, meanwhile I shall carry on dating, trying to keep an open mind. Thing is, I suppose, as I said in one of the earlier blogs, once the genie is out of the bottle, there’s no getting it back in. I cannot unlearn what I have been learning, but again, if I choose not to try it out, I guess it will slip into the background but I have become more liberal and broad-minded in the process and that cannot be a bad thing.

The prospect of two 2nd dates put a smile back on my face. The first on Monday evening was with R (51) from Newington which followed a similar pattern to the previous one but there was a lot of flirting and teasing in the build up to it so it culminated in dares as to what we would or wouldn’t wear and neither of us backed down. A pretty hot date all round and we both went away with silly grins on our faces.

Then the next day, I got an unexpected message from B (51) from Westbrook. I say unexpected because I hadn’t heard from him since our first date which surprised me as I thought we had both found it pretty hot. I thought the change of heart had been because I wouldn’t promise exclusivity but he now admits he was thrown because I said I wanted a social life too and he was worried about people making wrong assumptions about being seen out with his Mum….. OK, I guess that’s not unreasonable. Just wish he’d said that was the problem, however it seems he personally doesn’t have any issue with the age difference. Guess some people are more worried about public perceptions than others. I suppose I would have been a few months ago though in my defence I did date a 24 year old man when I was 15 who later became my husband and age different relationships were a lot less common then so guess I’ve always slightly gone against ‘the norm’.

He asked if we could meet later that day (he works nights) but I was working so we agreed that the next day would work well for both of us and he invited me to his home and I accepted. There were a lot of messages back and forth that day and a late night video call when he was at work. I woke early and spent time getting ready and doing what needed to be done before leaving home. Finally, I texted for the address and he said he couldn’t meet, he was too tired and would have to work that night. It all sounded too lame so I suggested it might be the age thing again. He said not but admitted there was a problem in my coming to his home as it was not tidy etc. Now actually I absolutely understand that, but why did he suggest it in the first place, or if having thought about it later, cancel at that point? It’s the second time I have got ready for a date to have it cancelled at the last minute and it is not only disappointing, it is a tad humiliating too, especially as in this case, there was no doubt what the expectation of the date was.  I am philosophical and know that it is part of the dating process but do feel let down and irritated. At the moment, I am hoping that something else will happen this week so I finish my regular blog on a high.

Still promises of a future meet from T (55) from Gt. Yarmouth, R (67) from Twickenham, S (60) from Wisbech, D (61) of Ipswich, a massage from A (55) from Westgate and of course M (42) from London. Pity that most of them are so far away! There are also a few others who keep occasional contact so I’m not giving up yet.  Indeed a new name cropped up this week who is local and I am meeting him tonight. Who know what the future holds?

I guess what I have learnt overall is that it’s never too late to try new things and dipping your toe in the water of anything unfamiliar can be a little scary but also very invigorating. I would advise anyone else embarking on a similar journey to mine, whatever their age, to be cautious and not take everyone at face value but that there really are nice people out there and there is good fun to be had, even with people you’ll never meet but are sharing a similar experience with. If nothing else, I have some sexy ‘penfriends’!

I may write the occasional blog on this thread from now on but only if I feel I have something interesting to say. If you want to be notified when I post, you’ll have to press the ‘follow’ button so you get an e-mail when I post or just check back occasionally. I’ll continue to write but may not post it, but then if in retrospect I think any of the ‘storylines’ were worth following I’ll have the right information already written. Beyond that, maybe I‘ll think about another blog. Anyone got any ideas what it should be about? Answers on a postcard (or leave a comment here, better still!).

Once again, thank you anyone who has given me support and encouragement, either publicly or privately. All feedback was much appreciated.Bouquet

Month 6 (Part 3) “Once more unto the breach” and all that.

Well holidays are over but Easter is not quite here. I had intended staying off all sites until Easter had passed but one person changed my mind. Having told all the guys I was previously chatting to that I was taking a break and there was to be an embargo on chatting to men whilst I was away, all respected that except one, Naughty Boy, M of London. He sent me occasional messages on WhatsApp which, although I ticked him off, I was quite pleased to receive. After I got home again, he stepped up the pressure a little. Then after a few days, late one evening when he knew I was on my own, said that he was going to catch a train down now. I didn’t believe him at first but he said he was looking up train times and getting dressed. It put me in a real tiz as I’d had a drink or two. I said, “What about getting to work in the morning?” He said he’d take a sickie and spend the day in bed with me. I started thinking oh dear, I need to change the bed sheets……. He was of course, only joking but in doing so he’d made me reveal my hand that I wouldn’t have left him standing on the station alone, I’d have brought him home and probably let him seduce me. Mental note to self: Never play poker!    Poker hand

Next day I felt very unsettled and was aware I was in danger of falling for this man who should be ‘out of bounds’ to me. I texted and told him I was going back on the websites to dilute his influence and why and he agreed that would be a good idea. The last thing we needed was to complicate the situation further so later that day I re-instated my profile on both sites, was greeted back by several old friends who had missed me and got a flurry of new interest.

Two people who were new but relatively local arranged dates which would have been before Easter. One postponed because he had to wait for a delivery which was late and the other either removed his profile or blocked me. Either way I thought it most rude so he’s joined others in the Reject file. He seemed really nice and genuine but there you go, I’m philosophical about these things, I will have had a well-behaved Lenten period without trying!

Because I was asked how many men I had dated since I started on this journey, I decided to have a bit of an audit, possible because of my files and the conversations I still keep as current. Since I started and ignoring conversations that have less than about 4 exchanges back and forth but including scammers, I have had/am having conversations with nearly 100 men but I have only met with 8 in person. I don’t think that sounds outrageous even if some of the non meets were a tad disappointing.

One ‘old friend’ who had previously been living on the wrong side of the Dartford Crossing for dating convenience has now moved nearer and is living with his father so I have agreed to meet him after Easter and another 2 new acquaintances who seem very nice have also asked for a date so there is still life. I’ve now been at this for 6 months, have I got anything to show for it? Well it’s probably taken more time than it should but I don’t regret that. I have learned a lot, feel more self-confident, dress in a more modern and flattering way and I’ve enjoyed writing a blog so all in all, I think it has been a worthwhile experience. Now I have got better (but obviously not perfect) at separating the wheat from the chaff, maybe the next 6 months will bring me a nice result. We’ll see.

Month 6 (Part 1) Taking a break

Well it’s approaching Easter, a period of reflection and contemplation and I feel I need to do this. Also as will be away for a week shortly, it seemed a good time to take a break from both dating sites. I contacted those I was already talking to explaining I was taking a break, most had other means of contacting me, but those who didn’t could contact me via the site (on site 5) or would have to catch up later on site 4. I’d intended to do this at the week-end but a last minute contact changed my plans.easter-lily-8087007

A (46) of Broadstairs contacted me saying it was his first day on the site and he’d made up his mind that I was his favourite by a big margin. Would I meet with him (same evening if possible but it wasn’t). Anyway I needed time to check him out but he is extremely good looking and sounded lovely. I am not going into all the long exchanges but eventually, having agreed to meet the next evening, he said he works 7 days a week and could only spare half an hour but wanted to “get the first date out of the way so I could have my wicked way with him”. I said if he was that busy, there wouldn’t be much of a social life which is what I was hoping to get from the relationship. There were sharp exchanges back and forth, he obviously thinks he would be irresistible and that should be enough for me. We agreed to forget it. I don’t know why I was so upset. Before he made contact I was very happy with my lot with 3 or 4 nice young men seemingly interested and I needed to meet others for coffee who I thought were probably not a match but they seemed keen. After today’s exchange I was really upset and I am not quite sure why it affected me so badly. I hid my profile on the two websites I was on straight away and sobbed. Poor M from London mentioned in last post contacted me as he often does in the evening and got the brunt of my rant against men who only want me for sex and how it feels like being a prostitute without the financial reward. He did his best to comfort me from a distance but the irony was not lost on either of us that the cap also fitted him!

In some ways I feel ungrateful, as I am sure many women of my age and size would be only too grateful to have lots of very attractive younger men anxious to take them to bed and in many ways I am grateful, it is good for my self-esteem but equally, I have never been so anxious for a physical relationship that I would throw over all my feelings and principles. I feel in this dating situation, it is my only bargaining chip to get the sort of relationship I am seeking, even if it will not be long-lasting.

As I was in ‘tidying-up mode’ I also contacted my older friend A of Canterbury, told him I was coming off all websites for the time being (not that it affected him as he is only on ones I am no longer on). I said March was becoming as manic timewise as I had thought it would be (with non-dating activities) and maybe we would be able to catch up in April. He sent a nice little e-mail back wishing me luck and saying he is dating – great! I do wish him well but still think our paths are likely to cross again. We’ll see. Well looks as though my period of Lent won’t have as much temptation put in my way as I’d thought. Perhaps it’s just as well.

M contacted me next morning to check I was ok, which was nice of him, he left it till mid-morning and I had got rid of the aggression I was feeling at the gym. He had had the sense to try and interest me in neither a late night nor early morning conversation as has become a sort of habit recently. I did thank him nicely for being a friend and a listening ear when I needed it. Poor bloke didn’t get much option!

Several guys contacted me wondering why I was coming off site but I just said I needed a break ‘to consolidate’ and anyway as I would be going away, it seemed sensible. I guess I’ll try and catch up with some of the guys whom I hadn’t fitted in for a coffee yet. No problem with that. A man who had previously stood me up twice, albeit with excuses, decided he’d wait till the queue had gone down and said he was only interested in being ‘friends with benefits’ which is not what he’d said originally. He’d chosen the wrong day for a sympathetic response!

Month 5 (Part 2) The Cougar is prowling!

G (43) of Worthing had been chatting with me for two or three weeks and we got on really well. He had been out with older women before and preferred their company and conversation. As I was talking to him and M of Fulham mentioned previously, during the same period, I was struggling to make up my mind which I preferred and decided I’d meet both. As M was a ‘no show’ as mentioned before, the field was open for G. Although we both decided that a first date where I couldn’t talk was a bit of a farce so decided to postpone, we were, I think, equally disappointed. We ended up texting on KIK most of the evening so it was almost like a remote first date! We both were really looking forward to Friday and had even made tentative plans if we got on ok then, we might meet again the following Monday. The problem was that the distance between us geographically was an issue and March was scheduled to be a very busy month for me away from the dating scene (how inconvenient!). Sadly a family crisis arose for G that week and we not only didn’t get to meet on the Friday but not the following Monday either. I didn’t feel rejected as I understand family come first.

Very luckily for me, out of the blue on that Sunday I was contacted by a very handsome young man, R(46) from Woodstock, yet another who had ‘made a mistake’ in his age on his profile! He asked whether the change of age was an issue and I said not at all, more of an issue was the distance between us geographically. He then told me he often worked in my area so it need not be an issue at all, so I said that the next time he was working my way to drop me a line. Then the bombshell, “Well actually I’m working there tomorrow, is that too short notice?”  I was aware that I had sort of promised that if he was available I would see G that evening and told R that, but I was definitely free in the afternoon and if I hadn’t heard from G could be free for the evening too. Well G didn’t make contact, I am sure he will eventually, but I met with R and we spent a very pleasant few hours in each other’s company though I think I did more chatting than him. We had a few drinks and dinner and a bit of a kiss and cuddle. We seemed to enjoy one another’s company and said we’d meet again. I hope we do.

Ham eggschips

Becoming a daily problem but actually a guilty pleasure is M (42) from London who sooo much wants to come down and is convinced he can seduce me and I won’t be able to resist. Trouble is, he could be right but as he has a girlfriend whom he says he cares for but just doesn’t give him enough sex that for me is a no-no. I’m not in the business of deceit but I have to say I do find him very attractive and whether he is lying or not, he certainly makes me feel desirable. Trouble is, also, I think the more I turn him down, the more determined he is to make me change my mind. I suppose I should block him but if I’m honest I actually enjoy our conversations, they make me feel sexy hence as I say, he’s my guilty pleasure. Thank goodness he doesn’t drive so would have to come down by train and I would have to meet him at the station. At least that’s a safety measure!! I suspect if I let him meet me, my rules about limits on activities on first dates would go right out of the window. Better I don’t let him near me! To add to my discomfort, he rang me early one morning and I sleepily answered it without realising it was a video call. He really is a naughty fellow. I suppose I shouldn’t have gone along with it but did anyway. Left me with a smile on my face but think he was a little late for work.

Month 3 (Part 4) GILF or Mrs Robinson?

I mentioned in my last blog that there were young men in their 20’s contacting me. Most I was able to fob off in a light-hearted way, telling them they would be better going out and making friends of their own age in the real world than mailing ladies like me.  Apart from my African lad mentioned before, there were two others who have had quite an effect on me, one not for the good. I’ll talk about the latter first, J of Lancaster, 24 years old. A budding entrepreneur who has started his own business, he just wanted to talk to an older woman and that perhaps I could advise him. I’m such a softy! We messaged for a while on the site then he asked if we could use WhatsApp and I agreed.

The conversation continued during the afternoon but gradually got more personal. Then he or I (can’t remember whom) had other things to do and we said goodbye. I had remarked that his photo on the website was so ‘arty’ that I couldn’t actually see the features on his face.  Later that evening he was messaging me again and he said he’d taken a picture just for me. It was a face and bare shoulders shot showing his delicate face complete with lip piercings. He asked to talk some more and against my better judgement we did, including a short video chat. I am not going to go into details but the upshot was, I thought, a very happy young man at the finish but he said he needed to disappear for 5 minutes and that was the last I saw or heard from him for 10 days. I was so worried in case he was more vulnerable than I had thought. I didn’t worry that night but messaged him both on WhatsApp and the website over the next couple of days just to ask if he was ok and said if he’d just confirm that, I’d not contact him again, but nothing. I felt really guilty and although it was he who had made all the running, I felt as if I’d seduced him.  I was even beginning to worry that I had been such a bad influence that he might have harmed himself. 4 days later, I could bear it no longer. I telephoned his number, he answered but when I said ‘J, are you OK?’ he just hung up. That was enough though. I had recognised his voice and so felt relieved. I didn’t expect to ever hear from him again but some 10 days later he messaged me again out of the blue. I told him in no uncertain terms what he had put me through and said I wasn’t going to go through that again. He didn’t apologise, said I was being silly and that he’d had trouble with his phone but it was all fixed now which, apart from the fact he’d answered his phone, didn’t explain all. He could have contacted me through the website.  He said he still liked me and wanted to talk. I told him he was a lovely young man and wished him every success in his life but I was now going to delete our conversations and his contact details from my phone (I’d archived our earlier conversation just in case I later found out I was to blame for him doing something silly). He tried ringing me three times in quick succession whilst I was doing this but I declined them and blocked his number. I never want to feel that guilty again.

There is less to say about the other young man who is 20.  I think our friendship has been rather inspiring and encouraging on both sides. Because he first made contact just after I had gone through the wringer with J (above) he got the whole story and was so supportive and kind. I think I have helped him too and been a friend but now we’ve both decided we need to break apart gently. Contact details have been deleted so we only ‘speak’ on the website and that will gradually cease. He is a fine young man and I hope his parents are very proud of him.

I have decided no more chats with different young men in their 20’s, I am having enough trouble keeping up with those in their 30’s and 40’s! Trouble there is that I can talk the talk but a bit scared to walk the walk in case I can’t keep up! More next time.

Month 3 (Part 3) It seems I’m a GILF!

I’m told by my very good friend who is a ‘Woman of the World’ that I needed to have read Nancy Friday’s book ‘Men in Love’, a psychological book about men’s sexual fantasies and understanding them. I took her advice and downloaded it on to my Kindle. What a HUGE book. I consider I’m a fast reader but it took me days. However, I am so glad I did as it was to stand me in good stead over the next weeks. For fun, I was also lent the DVD box set of ‘The Secret Diary of a Call Girl’ with Billie Piper. My education was expanding dramatically, in all senses!20170128_115021

The latest dating site (4) was bringing mostly a very different type of interest. The demographic of the site, as well as being international is also mainly younger and although in my search criteria I had still put 58-78 years, the interest I was attracting (with my new photos) brought messages from age 20 up. I thought it was a mistake at first but apparently not. Just one lad of 23 and living in Africa was genuinely after a pen friend (yes we ‘talk’ nearly every day and I have learnt so much about his way of life) but others who ‘only wanted to talk’ eventually disclosed they were genuinely turned on by me, fancy that!

Several in their 30’s propositioned me in no uncertain terms. 4 or 5 times I was called a GILF – I had to ask my son what it meant. For those of my generation who are also baffled and haven’t a suitable younger person to ask, I suggest you consult Google! Was I shocked? Actually, apart from being technically incorrect as I have no grandchildren, I thought it was a hoot and quite flattered.

Particularly persistent were a local guy (as no pic was a bit worried in case we knew each other – we don’t, phew!) and one from Israel who was threatening to fly in to see me. I was already with women 2 years from your country and she was 72 years old, Please try. We talk and we will see, Ok?’ was just one of his persistent messages. Both these 2 were early 30’s and I probably disgraced myself but did a deal with them both that if I sent them some pix would they please leave me alone. Selfies have never been my strong point but I managed to take some boob pix and crop my face out of them.  On the understanding they would go no further, I sent them. I can’t say I wasn’t amused at the reaction and told myself in any case it’s little different to sunbathing topless on a beach (though that’s also something I wouldn’t do these days!).  One kept his side of the bargain after a bit more chat but I had to block the other. I kept the pix on file so I wouldn’t have to take more when required (as they surely were). For those that wanted pix of other areas, they were told  ‘I might do eroticism but I don’t do porn’. In any case even if I wanted to I couldn’t reach without a selfie stick! Just one other point before I leave this subject, why is that men, even when asked specifically not to, feel compelled to send ‘dick pix’ often having measured the length? One guy completely went the wrong way about trying to persuade me to send pix. First he offered to swap and I said definitely not, then he said would I sell some for money?  I was outraged (though I was smiling) and said absolutely not. He deleted his profile within hours (or maybe the site deleted him?). It wouldn’t have changed my answer but I did think maybe I should have asked how much he would have been willing to pay!

It was about this time, that someone suggested I write a Blog so here I am but there’s more to come.

Month 3 (part 1) Is chat synonymous with online sex?

Things were beginning to move faster now.  My membership to dating website 1 had come to an end, and I wasn’t having great success with 2 so following the recommendation in a comparative article, I joined another site aimed at more mature people (3).  Actually this is a very similar layout to No 1 and unsurprisingly so as they are owned by the same group. Apparently there is a lot of ‘cross-patching’ between the sites too so there were a lot of familiar profiles on there. Nevertheless, there were some new faces as well. Early on, I got a message from G of Faversham. He asked if I was the lady he had met whilst walking his dog in my area. I was not but we messaged back and forth a few times and he obviously was lonely and just wanted to chat with someone of a similar age. I felt sorry for him so agreed to meet for a drink on the understanding it was just a drink and a chat and no further agenda. He was very nervous as it was his first date and mine with P was still fresh in my mind so I put him at his ease and he went away quite happy, I did too as he was very sweet but not my type and I felt I’d done my good deed.   man-head

Around this time I was getting lots of winks from T of Chatham. He had contacted me lots on website 1 too and I got fed up with asking him to post a photo and put some more details in his profile. In the end, he asked to chat and I agreed, it started out with pleasantries then he said something about liking larger women. He asked if I found that offensive and I said not at all as I know what I am. He then asked my measurements and I said (honestly) that I didn’t have a clue. He then asked my dress size and bra size and I furnished him with the info thinking he was sizing up whether he liked me or not. My friend sitting with me when I told her what he had asked got him right straight away. She said he’s sitting there in a dressing gown with his ’wang’ hanging out , getting off on this.  I didn’t heed her warning, though I acknowledged she could well be right. He then started describing what he would like to do with my breasts…. I let it go on a few minutes because actually he was arousing me but then I felt so ashamed that I just said, ‘I can’t go along with this’ and terminated the chat.

He sent lots more messages over the next 15 minutes asking me to go back on line. I didn’t and I felt very unsettled. The trouble was, although he made me feel a bit dirty, I actually had to admit that I had sort of enjoyed it deep down. To my shame, the next day, I kept looking out for him coming back on line and sure enough there he was. We chatted again but soon things went the way I expected and I was really getting quite excited when I once more felt so guilty that I terminated the conversation. Because I had asked him previously, several times to post a photograph and add more info to his profile without success, I offered to give him an e-mail address to send a photo to. After our second ’chat’ he agreed to send one.  Now seeing his e-mail address I realised that even the first name he was using on site was not real, He said it was his second name. I stewed for a bit then e-mailed him offering to play his game but under my rules. I said we’d have a fantasy on-line date and in this date I would come to his house (as I’d never seen his house he could make up what it was like). All he had to do was decide what he was going to wear for the date. He was so excited. I told him I’d give him an early Christmas present but Christmas only comes once a year and this would be a one-off and it was on the understanding we would never meet.

 

We had trouble arranging a mutually convenient time so in the end he had to wait nearly 24 hours for the date. In the meantime, I kept getting messages and e-mails saying how wonderful it was that he’d found someone on his own wavelength, to which I replied again that he hadn’t and pointed out it was a one-off. He suggested that we should meet to play out the roles for real, to which I reminded him that one of the conditions was that we’d never meet. I also received several messages telling me the effect the anticipation was having on him in quite graphic terms! I had to chastise him for using such explicit language on the on-line forum as I found it quite embarrassing and couldn’t delete it.

I have to say I was quite proud of my planned date I thought I’d used quite a bit of imagination and just planning it gave me quite a lot of pleasure. The morning came to play out the fantasy. He was wound tighter than a spring but I was actually very focused on getting the best result for him and quite cold about it all but I made myself sound very turned on and passionate. Well, I’m afraid the date has to be censored but just to say at the end of it when he had climaxed and was completely spent he said ‘Oh, this is love’ and I replied ‘No, this is sex’. He asked, ‘But you did enjoy it?’ and I said ‘I really enjoyed the planning of it, but was I aroused? Actually, not at all.’ This was absolutely true. He muttered he was late for something and had to go. He didn’t appear on line all the next day or most of the day after that and I started to feel a bit guilty in case I’d been too hard on him. I sent a message saying I was sorry if I’d hurt him but he needed to learn a lesson and perhaps he should live in the real world rather than a cyber one. Eventually he made contact saying it ‘felt very empty afterwards and he felt used’. I replied thus:

‘Although I wanted you to enjoy it, as you say it is not nice to feel used, but that is what ladies you chat to in a sexually explicit way are likely to feel. You post no photos and put very little on your profile then engage in online sex. I don’t feel that way over our ‘fantasy date’ as I suggested it but I did on the two previous occasions when we chatted, even though you excited me at the time. I’m strong and not vulnerable and lonely but many people of both sexes on this site are and it is very disappointing to be made to feel desirable only to find out they are a means to an end. Just think about the consequences now you have felt that for yourself………. I feel a bit sorry for you in that you must lack self-confidence to behave as you are under some anonymity, but that is no excuse to abuse other vulnerable people. You might not have thought that is what you were doing but maybe now you will understand.’
I also suggested if he wanted to play those games, he should register on the ‘Naughty’ version of the site when it is what people expect.

With hindsight, having had a lot more experience of on-line sex on other sites, I think maybe I was a bit hard on him but I still believe it is a question of not picking on people one thinks is desperate for love or even attention.  I also think that this particular site, aimed specifically at older folk was the wrong place to be playing those games. I can be a hard woman!

Month 2: Stalkers

After the disappointment of L from Cheapside, and also feeling rather foolish, I re-instated my membership of dating website 1 (when I ring-fingersuspended it they had given me another month free-of-charge and I’m never one to miss a bargain) and started all over. About this time I also decided that I should remove my wedding ring. I             suppose I have used it as a symbol that I am not available over the past years but seemed inappropriate now.

It is as well that from the start of this exercise, I have kept ‘files’ on anyone I talk to at all seriously. Maybe it is that old habits die hard but there were several advantages. For one thing it helped me to remember who was who and what had been said, it also meant I didn’t have to keep finding their profiles on the website and, as one knows every time someone visits your profile, the person concerned needn’t be aware when I was having a sneaky peek to remind myself who they were etc. However, they proved to have a more important use. These are just Word documents on which I copy the web profile, any pictures and copies of any significant e-mails or messages received added to the bottom. Amongst some of the other winks and expressions of interest, out of the blue I got an e-mail from Jack. ‘Thanks for sending me your email id, i must Confess you are very beautiful and i hope we can become best of friends, and hopefully take things to a new level, like i told you i am new to online dating and you are the first lady i am speaking with and i also hope you would be my last.’

The e-mail continued in the same vein and had a couple of nice pictures attached but by now I was very used to L’s style of writing and besides, in my files I knew I hadn’t spoken to a Jack and also knew who I had given this special e-mail address to. He got a short shrift e-mail back and I blocked him. One final thought on L. He hadn’t asked for any money so where was the scam? I am sure in my own mind he was mailing from abroad. I think he wanted me to meet him at the airport and take him to a hotel in the hopes I would now be so infatuated, that he would be able to persuade me to help him get a visa or whatever. I don’t know what he thought I would think when my handsome actor didn’t arrive, who knows? As I say, just a theory but the only logical one I can come up with.

Another strong suit came from J of Bray but by now, if I couldn’t find the photos on the internet myself, using the method my daughter had taught me, I sent them on to her as she is much better at it than I am. This guy hadn’t posted a photo but agreed to send some by e-mail, I supposed because there are fewer people who might catch you out. Within his long e-mails he used two expressions which stuck in my mind. The photos turned out to be of some millionaire publisher (no wonder he said he lived in Bray with an income of over £100K – earnings like that are always a danger sign!)

Another attractive individual was J from Walderslade but again his lifestyle seemed too good to believe but I try to be open-minded whilst cautious so we e-mailed and in his first long missive he used the phrases: ‘gentleman who lost my ex wife from bloody cancer’ and ‘but I am looking for my soul mate someone who has the locks to fit my keys, and the keys to fit my locks.’ And they immediately rang a bell. Back to my trusty files and there they were, sure enough. Sloppy copy and paste job , I thought!

I realise that whether I was being stalked by one man or two, I needed to get off the first site at the end of the month but before that I had joined Dating website 2, a bit more expensive but certainly more upmarket. It was not as good for me in that anyone I took a fancy to was either already seeing someone else or didn’t reciprocate my interest but I did get my first date out of it.

P of Croydon also hadn’t posted a photo which made me cautious but his profile looked interesting. I asked for a photo and he said he’d text me one if I wanted. I agreed and gave him my mobile number and a very nice photo was sent and it all checked out ok! He didn’t much like texting so asked if we could talk on the phone. As he already had my number for the photo I agreed and found he had a lovely Irish accent (not unexpected as that was in his profile). In conversation I asked what his former profession had been and he said he had been a GP and then the penny dropped why no photo, I guess the same would apply to teachers, lecturers, consultants etc. This is now why I don’t assume I know why.

We agreed to meet in London for a coffee as I would be in town that day anyway and I was quite excited as I really thought we could be a match. Sadly when we met, it appeared his photo could have been 10 years out of date but I might have forgiven him that if he hadn’t been so boring. The feeling was obviously mutual as we parted politely with no plans for a future meet. It was good to have broken my duck though.

Month 1: Fraud

Whenever you are new to a site, I now know you get a lot of looks at your profile. Existing members who fit the criteria you have set re age range and distance from where you live are notified so most will at least give it a glance. I was flattered I got quite a lot of winks and messages straight away and of course I then looked at their profiles to see if it was reciprocal. One guy (L from Cheapside) winked on the very first day I was on the site and I thought his photo was very attractive and his profile was interesting. I didn’t understand the system at that point so I just noted it and only responded to those who actually sent messages. A week later I got a second wink from the same fellow. He then started messaging on line, he said he was from Paris but living and working in London (Cheapside –didn’t know anyone lived in Cheapside?). He wrote very flattering messages which I have to say I responded to positively then towards the end of the fourth message he wrote ‘ You are my life – my very life. Never imagine your hope approximates what you are to me. Beautiful, precious little baby – hurry up the sun! Make the days shorter till we meet.  Also what is the best number to reach you’

I responded Whoah! Slow down, we haven’t even chatted yet, we’re a long way from knowing whether we’re a match but I’d like to be friends for now.’

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The messages kept coming, there were inconsistencies in what he was telling me about his family and what had written in his profile but I suppose I wanted to believe he was genuine. He even had said his hair colour was brown, when it was obviously grey in the photographs. I put it down to pressing the wrong choice button in multiple choice answers and language. He asked if we could Skype. At first I was sceptical especially as my Skype user name includes my surname – should have set up a new account – but eventually I agreed. Funny, but the camera on his computer was faulty, he could see me but I couldn’t see him. We did talk on audio and he certainly sounded French to me.

He started talking about a business trip to Dubai so I told him he’d better find a computer there with a working camera. I did think it odd that e-mails from him often arrived around 4am but he said he couldn’t sleep so that’s when he wrote them. He asked if, when he returned from Dubai, I would meet him at Heathrow and could I book a hotel room. I actually genuinely wasn’t available on the day the flight was due in and he said he’d change it to a day when I was.

I said if we were going to any hotel it could be in London as he was [supposed to be] living in the city. I said if he chose a hotel and booked a room, I would book my own room in the same hotel and we’d just have dinner and see how things went. He started getting very angry. He’d already been cross because he said he’d come off the dating–site since talking to me but that I was still on it and talking to other men, so I suspended my membership, now this. What had started out being fun was now getting stressful and controlling.

Luckily my daughter is very internet savvy and I was going round to see her anyway. I told her all about it and she reverse–imaged the photographs he had posted on the net and some he’d sent to me by e-mail. (He even phoned me whilst I was with her to say he’d sent his flight details to me by e-mail but by this time I was becoming aware that he was definitely a fraud so I just told him I couldn’t talk then but would e-mail him later). The photos turned out to be of an actor and he had stolen them from his website and another casting website. I wrote a last email to ‘L from Cheapside’ showing the proof of his deceit. With hindsight I shouldn’t have done that, it just made him wiser.   I not only reported him to the dating website, even though his profile was now removed – did he take his profile off or did the site remove him? I don’t know. I also wrote to the actor concerned and told him his images were being fraudulently used and told him the story. He was so kind and said how sorry he was that it was his photos that had attracted me in the first place. He did say that he wasn’t sure which he was more upset about, that his photos had been fraudulently used or that the guy had described himself as 62 and the actor is only 48!  I hoped that was the last I had heard from L but sadly not.