Month 8 (Part 4) Not journey’s end but the start of a new phase

The things some guys will say to get out of a date! Actually do believe this one. The week-end I had so been looking forward to didn’t happen, sadly due to an awful industrial accident, my date was very seriously injured. He was hospitalised and although is now home recovering, I guess the last thing on his mind for now is a romp with me! He e-mailed me to tell me what had happened and say he was sorry but needed to go to bed – there was no innuendo there. I haven’t heard from him for 7 days so am a bit worried, not from my perspective but for him. As I don’t know where he lives exactly, I can’t even take him jelly and ice-cream! I felt as though I had rehearsed for a play that was pulled before the opening night!

Time will tell whether we’ll ever try out the suggested life-style, meanwhile I shall carry on dating, trying to keep an open mind. Thing is, I suppose, as I said in one of the earlier blogs, once the genie is out of the bottle, there’s no getting it back in. I cannot unlearn what I have been learning, but again, if I choose not to try it out, I guess it will slip into the background but I have become more liberal and broad-minded in the process and that cannot be a bad thing.

The prospect of two 2nd dates put a smile back on my face. The first on Monday evening was with R (51) from Newington which followed a similar pattern to the previous one but there was a lot of flirting and teasing in the build up to it so it culminated in dares as to what we would or wouldn’t wear and neither of us backed down. A pretty hot date all round and we both went away with silly grins on our faces.

Then the next day, I got an unexpected message from B (51) from Westbrook. I say unexpected because I hadn’t heard from him since our first date which surprised me as I thought we had both found it pretty hot. I thought the change of heart had been because I wouldn’t promise exclusivity but he now admits he was thrown because I said I wanted a social life too and he was worried about people making wrong assumptions about being seen out with his Mum….. OK, I guess that’s not unreasonable. Just wish he’d said that was the problem, however it seems he personally doesn’t have any issue with the age difference. Guess some people are more worried about public perceptions than others. I suppose I would have been a few months ago though in my defence I did date a 24 year old man when I was 15 who later became my husband and age different relationships were a lot less common then so guess I’ve always slightly gone against ‘the norm’.

He asked if we could meet later that day (he works nights) but I was working so we agreed that the next day would work well for both of us and he invited me to his home and I accepted. There were a lot of messages back and forth that day and a late night video call when he was at work. I woke early and spent time getting ready and doing what needed to be done before leaving home. Finally, I texted for the address and he said he couldn’t meet, he was too tired and would have to work that night. It all sounded too lame so I suggested it might be the age thing again. He said not but admitted there was a problem in my coming to his home as it was not tidy etc. Now actually I absolutely understand that, but why did he suggest it in the first place, or if having thought about it later, cancel at that point? It’s the second time I have got ready for a date to have it cancelled at the last minute and it is not only disappointing, it is a tad humiliating too, especially as in this case, there was no doubt what the expectation of the date was.  I am philosophical and know that it is part of the dating process but do feel let down and irritated. At the moment, I am hoping that something else will happen this week so I finish my regular blog on a high.

Still promises of a future meet from T (55) from Gt. Yarmouth, R (67) from Twickenham, S (60) from Wisbech, D (61) of Ipswich, a massage from A (55) from Westgate and of course M (42) from London. Pity that most of them are so far away! There are also a few others who keep occasional contact so I’m not giving up yet.  Indeed a new name cropped up this week who is local and I am meeting him tonight. Who know what the future holds?

I guess what I have learnt overall is that it’s never too late to try new things and dipping your toe in the water of anything unfamiliar can be a little scary but also very invigorating. I would advise anyone else embarking on a similar journey to mine, whatever their age, to be cautious and not take everyone at face value but that there really are nice people out there and there is good fun to be had, even with people you’ll never meet but are sharing a similar experience with. If nothing else, I have some sexy ‘penfriends’!

I may write the occasional blog on this thread from now on but only if I feel I have something interesting to say. If you want to be notified when I post, you’ll have to press the ‘follow’ button so you get an e-mail when I post or just check back occasionally. I’ll continue to write but may not post it, but then if in retrospect I think any of the ‘storylines’ were worth following I’ll have the right information already written. Beyond that, maybe I‘ll think about another blog. Anyone got any ideas what it should be about? Answers on a postcard (or leave a comment here, better still!).

Once again, thank you anyone who has given me support and encouragement, either publicly or privately. All feedback was much appreciated.Bouquet

Month 8 (Part 1) – “I can resist anything except temptation” – Oscar Wilde

Was told my last blog was depressing and when queried this with another was told that while it might not be depressing was maybe a little glum! Such are the ups and downs of dating but don’t wish to be either glum or depressing so happy to announce that this week has been much brighter!

It has been an interesting week: thought I had a date booked on Friday with the guy who last stood me up because he had to wait in for a parcel to be delivered. (Asked him what was in the parcel and he said a router so I told him he could think of me each time he used it and sent him a saucy pic!). Well I’d made him wait six weeks or so for another chance and eventually he made it back on the list. When we fixed the date a week ago I said not to let me down again and to confirm by mid-week if it was going ahead. Nothing heard so he’s in the reject file too and blocked on WhatsApp.

That said, another guy with the same forename but from a different town made contact, was very keen to meet and even took time off work to do so. At least with the first one deleted, I won’t send stuff to the wrong person! I met B (51) from Westbrook in a nearby town. We’d chatted on WhatsApp from the beginning as he was only on site 5 for a couple of days as was playing ducks and drakes with someone from work on the same site and didn’t want her to see him there. Apparently gossip is rife. We got on so well we agreed to meet within two days of first making contact but the weather was against us. It absolutely teemed with rain, so much so that he’d have got soaked in seconds walking to our agreed meeting place so I drove closer to pick him up. Windows were steamed up even before I met him and the rain was relentless. We abandoned the idea of a drink in a local hostelry as we’d have looked like drowned rats before we’d made it out of the car park so just drove to the cliffs and had our ‘get to know you’ type chat there and enjoyed each other’s company for a couple of hours.

Rain On Screen LargeG (51) of Chelmsford mentioned in Month 4 (part 2) blog got in touch again and said he’d like to meet; likewise S (60) from Wisbech, with whom I had been chatting on and off for over a month, who said he would soon be visiting his son who lives relatively locally.  I’d already arranged a date with R (67) of Twickenham for next week, though now actually think that last week’s blog has irritated him so he may not show, which is a shame, but overall I am feeling optimistic.

Had an audio telephone conversation with J (64) of Ulster, first mentioned in month 4 (part 3) blog. We have messaged fairly regularly since we first met on-line but this had been the first time we had actually heard each other’s voices. He liked my accent and I his. It also amazed me how someone who comes over so shy on-line can so come out of his shell when actually speaking. It seems he’s worried about being kicked off the site if he says the wrong things although I assured him if that were the case, not only I but most of the men I chat to would have been thrown off long ago but he’s not convinced.

I have received a very tempting offer if a certain gent and I hit it off but the question is, do I feel comfortable in accepting it? He is looking for a ‘strong minded lady’.  Incredibly, his main sexual pleasure is to do anything he is told to by ‘his lady’ to please her. He looks at this completely unselfishly as he ‘is programmed‘ by events in his past to do this and he gets his satisfaction from almost venerating [my word as I feel even less comfortable with his] her body in every way, even to the extent that he is happy for her to take lovers whilst he would be utterly faithful. Sounds so hedonistic but having heard his back-story, I actually do believe that this is what he wants but I am struggling to get my head round it. Apart from the fact that I am used to being monogamous, unless I really fell in love with him, I couldn’t help but feel I was using him which does not sit easy with me at all. The whole story has blown my hat off and I can think of little else at the moment. I am trying to keep an open mind until we meet. I think I will even give it a go to see if it helps me make up my mind, but although an offer like his (and I can’t give more details) will only come once in my lifetime, the jury’s out as to whether I feel I can accept it, if indeed he is still offering it to me after we meet. Time will tell…..

Month 7 (Part 3) Feeling a tad jaded

Got back from first date with A of Westgate as mentioned in last blog and checked messages on line as usual and there was a very nice one from a new contact D (61) of Ipswich. We chatted on line for a couple of hours and seemed to get on well. He asked if we could phone chat next morning, which we did – twice – and agreed that in spite of the distance, it would be worth trying to meet. Actually was quite excited at the prospect of this one but have learnt not to count chickens and just as well as he seems to have perceptibly cooled over the last week and I’m not sure why.

Two other new contacts who seem keen but are really too far away have not only texted but phoned as well which was unusual to me until recently and are worth a mention as they may well crop up again.  R (67) from Twickenham who is going to be the next ‘Bad Boy’ to replace M of London, I think, with his constant texts, phone calls and even video calls. The other is T (55) from Gt. Yarmouth. He’s too far away but visits a friend in Kent in the summer so hopes to fit in a date then. He even tells me he has massage skills to so maybe hope of a good massage yet!

I had asked M of London if we were to go to bed once, would it ‘scratch the itch’ for him or did he think he’d only want more? His answer was that he’d be insatiable! Our last (I believe) conversation continued:

Then maybe best not to start. I’d come round to the idea that maybe just once would satisfy curiosity. Think you like the chase.

We need to do it

Not if it’s going to make life harder. [conversation continued about difficulties of meeting up for a good few weeks anyway and he said he could wait if he had to]

But for the longer term you need to find someone else anyway as if I do form an attachment, I shall not be unfaithful, it’s not my MO.

But you will fall for me

The reason I’m taking my time is that I’m picky and falling for you is not an option. You are taken. I know I could fall for you. Anyway, sex apart, I am too old for you. If you’re really trying to get me out of your system, delete our conversations and my number. I will understand and be proud of you for doing it – even if I miss our chats…….

I rattled on a little more telling him he should sort out his problems with his girlfriend because it is important. I haven’t heard from him since but am aware he has looked again at my profile on the website and re-visits our WhatsApp conversations (as I do too) but he is trying to do the right thing and break himself of the habit of contacting me.  I am proud of him (even though I know I’ll miss his messages) as I know he was hooked and if things had gone on I was in for some heartache too.

I still chat almost daily to my young friend in Africa whom I met when I first joined site 4. I seem to friends with his whole family now and I do keep a lonely young man company when he needs it sometimes. He lives in a major city but his mother lives in a village, some miles away. He calls me Mommy too and I’ve spoken to his real Mum and she is happy that I take an interest in him. It is a two way street because I have learned a lot about the way of life in his country for an ordinary person. If I ever manage to visit, which I hope I shall do one day, I won’t just get the tourist view.ugandan-flag-graphic

Well some like my blog and for others it’s a turn off –  better to be honest and find out early. This younger gent who might have been prepared to drive quite a distance to meet is obviously of the latter variety but it is good for me to have both points of view and that keeps my feet on the ground. This after sending a link to blog and a day’s silence from him:

So have I turned you off? If so quite understand. Just like to know.

Why do you want to tell strangers about your sex life? X

Not sex life exactly more dating journey. It’s cathartic to write and gives me a buzz that people I don’t know, in different countries even, enjoy reading it. I don’t think it’s smutty, just a little naughty here and there. Several women have told me they can identify with it. Some men like it, others don’t. That’s why I’m now upfront about it. Better they know from the start than I spring it later.

Well if you’re not really serious about finding someone then it’s up to you but it will turn a few men off and might send out a message you’re a bit of a time waster x

Ok thanks for the honest comment. Good luck in your search! Xx

So that’s told me! It might give the perception that I’m a time waster but actually think I waste less of other peoples’ time by sifting before I meet than raising hopes if I have no intention of following through. If informing them via the blog tells them how I do it, isn’t that just being honest?

Am getting bored with site 4 so have hidden my profile there for now. Actually went through the registration process of 3 more sites in one evening, filling out profiles etc. only to find their ‘free version’ is as useless as the first 3 sites I was on so deleted them straight away. At least I am more knowledgeable now as to what is worth paying for (for me) and what is not. No dates imminent but 2 booked in the coming fortnight and no shortage of chat so that will have to do me for now.

Month 6 (Part 3) “Once more unto the breach” and all that.

Well holidays are over but Easter is not quite here. I had intended staying off all sites until Easter had passed but one person changed my mind. Having told all the guys I was previously chatting to that I was taking a break and there was to be an embargo on chatting to men whilst I was away, all respected that except one, Naughty Boy, M of London. He sent me occasional messages on WhatsApp which, although I ticked him off, I was quite pleased to receive. After I got home again, he stepped up the pressure a little. Then after a few days, late one evening when he knew I was on my own, said that he was going to catch a train down now. I didn’t believe him at first but he said he was looking up train times and getting dressed. It put me in a real tiz as I’d had a drink or two. I said, “What about getting to work in the morning?” He said he’d take a sickie and spend the day in bed with me. I started thinking oh dear, I need to change the bed sheets……. He was of course, only joking but in doing so he’d made me reveal my hand that I wouldn’t have left him standing on the station alone, I’d have brought him home and probably let him seduce me. Mental note to self: Never play poker!    Poker hand

Next day I felt very unsettled and was aware I was in danger of falling for this man who should be ‘out of bounds’ to me. I texted and told him I was going back on the websites to dilute his influence and why and he agreed that would be a good idea. The last thing we needed was to complicate the situation further so later that day I re-instated my profile on both sites, was greeted back by several old friends who had missed me and got a flurry of new interest.

Two people who were new but relatively local arranged dates which would have been before Easter. One postponed because he had to wait for a delivery which was late and the other either removed his profile or blocked me. Either way I thought it most rude so he’s joined others in the Reject file. He seemed really nice and genuine but there you go, I’m philosophical about these things, I will have had a well-behaved Lenten period without trying!

Because I was asked how many men I had dated since I started on this journey, I decided to have a bit of an audit, possible because of my files and the conversations I still keep as current. Since I started and ignoring conversations that have less than about 4 exchanges back and forth but including scammers, I have had/am having conversations with nearly 100 men but I have only met with 8 in person. I don’t think that sounds outrageous even if some of the non meets were a tad disappointing.

One ‘old friend’ who had previously been living on the wrong side of the Dartford Crossing for dating convenience has now moved nearer and is living with his father so I have agreed to meet him after Easter and another 2 new acquaintances who seem very nice have also asked for a date so there is still life. I’ve now been at this for 6 months, have I got anything to show for it? Well it’s probably taken more time than it should but I don’t regret that. I have learned a lot, feel more self-confident, dress in a more modern and flattering way and I’ve enjoyed writing a blog so all in all, I think it has been a worthwhile experience. Now I have got better (but obviously not perfect) at separating the wheat from the chaff, maybe the next 6 months will bring me a nice result. We’ll see.

Month 5 (Part 2) The Cougar is prowling!

G (43) of Worthing had been chatting with me for two or three weeks and we got on really well. He had been out with older women before and preferred their company and conversation. As I was talking to him and M of Fulham mentioned previously, during the same period, I was struggling to make up my mind which I preferred and decided I’d meet both. As M was a ‘no show’ as mentioned before, the field was open for G. Although we both decided that a first date where I couldn’t talk was a bit of a farce so decided to postpone, we were, I think, equally disappointed. We ended up texting on KIK most of the evening so it was almost like a remote first date! We both were really looking forward to Friday and had even made tentative plans if we got on ok then, we might meet again the following Monday. The problem was that the distance between us geographically was an issue and March was scheduled to be a very busy month for me away from the dating scene (how inconvenient!). Sadly a family crisis arose for G that week and we not only didn’t get to meet on the Friday but not the following Monday either. I didn’t feel rejected as I understand family come first.

Very luckily for me, out of the blue on that Sunday I was contacted by a very handsome young man, R(46) from Woodstock, yet another who had ‘made a mistake’ in his age on his profile! He asked whether the change of age was an issue and I said not at all, more of an issue was the distance between us geographically. He then told me he often worked in my area so it need not be an issue at all, so I said that the next time he was working my way to drop me a line. Then the bombshell, “Well actually I’m working there tomorrow, is that too short notice?”  I was aware that I had sort of promised that if he was available I would see G that evening and told R that, but I was definitely free in the afternoon and if I hadn’t heard from G could be free for the evening too. Well G didn’t make contact, I am sure he will eventually, but I met with R and we spent a very pleasant few hours in each other’s company though I think I did more chatting than him. We had a few drinks and dinner and a bit of a kiss and cuddle. We seemed to enjoy one another’s company and said we’d meet again. I hope we do.

Ham eggschips

Becoming a daily problem but actually a guilty pleasure is M (42) from London who sooo much wants to come down and is convinced he can seduce me and I won’t be able to resist. Trouble is, he could be right but as he has a girlfriend whom he says he cares for but just doesn’t give him enough sex that for me is a no-no. I’m not in the business of deceit but I have to say I do find him very attractive and whether he is lying or not, he certainly makes me feel desirable. Trouble is, also, I think the more I turn him down, the more determined he is to make me change my mind. I suppose I should block him but if I’m honest I actually enjoy our conversations, they make me feel sexy hence as I say, he’s my guilty pleasure. Thank goodness he doesn’t drive so would have to come down by train and I would have to meet him at the station. At least that’s a safety measure!! I suspect if I let him meet me, my rules about limits on activities on first dates would go right out of the window. Better I don’t let him near me! To add to my discomfort, he rang me early one morning and I sleepily answered it without realising it was a video call. He really is a naughty fellow. I suppose I shouldn’t have gone along with it but did anyway. Left me with a smile on my face but think he was a little late for work.

Month 4 (Part 3) The search continues

J (58) from Birmingham, mentioned in the last blog contacted me again and said could we have another phone conversation continuing the ‘counselling session’ re the boy in the swimming baths etc. I was going to be on my own that evening so I agreed and he said he would send me some pictures that would help ‘make me feel horny’ so I would be ready for our phone call. He asked what would turn me on and I honestly didn’t know. He tried me out with gay and lesbian porn of various sorts and whilst some of it was fascinating in a disbelieving sort of way I had to admit that none of it excited me at all and I deleted it. He said I’d need to ask questions that would force him to tell stuff about the incidents at school etc. and I tried to formulate some questions but my heart wasn’t in it. The last straw came when he said he wouldn’t be ready for the phone call for a couple of hours. I said that whilst I was on my own now, I might not be in a couple of hours. He was not a happy bunny.  I said that this stuff is just not me and he should look for someone else and he agreed to call it a day saying if I knew someone else who would like to play, would I put them in touch? (Any of my readers like contact details??). Pity about the massage though, that’s both my potential masseurs in the reject file! I’m obviously just a ‘vanilla sex’ sort of girl.

J (64) in Ulster knows he’s in an impossible situation. There isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell we’re going to meet for a coffee and a chat but he pleaded to just be able to talk on line for a while. Even that was a struggle as every line of conversation I tried to open was answered with just one or two words. There was no photo at first but when I protested, he did post one up long enough for me to copy it and then took it down again. It seems he’s afraid his ‘date from hell’ will see it. I did say he could block her but he’s really worried about her and it’s a shame as he has little chance with the profile he’s got and no picture. He looks very friendly and I do feel sorry for him as he’s out on a limb. However, I told him that trying to hold a conversation with him was like stirring treacle. I said we’d try again and gave him another opening lead and he was obviously trying harder. He started to relax a bit over the following days but then, because I was sometimes multi-tasking when chatting with him so slow in responding, he started to go all shy again. I feel bad because he’s said some really lovely things to me but it’s really a waste of time for both of us. However, we are still in touch occasionally.

I got a surprise e-mail from A of Canterbury with whom I’d had the best first date with thus far, asking if I fancied another kiss and cuddle. I barely hesitated. At first the plan was that we’d go out for dinner but as it was glass-of-red-winethe Saturday before St. Valentine’s day and it was short notice, restaurants were busy. The plan changed and he said if I wanted to go to his home, he’d cook a meal and we could watch a film. I thought about it carefully as I realised I would be in a more vulnerable position but decided to throw caution to the wind and go and enjoy the evening, but did insist on driving my own car there (he’d offered to pick me up) and I put safety measures in place in case I got out of my depth and needed an excuse to get away. I am pleased to report that the meal was lovely (indeed he also has a beautiful house) however, I didn’t quite see all of ‘A Street Cat Named Bob’ due to our having quite a passionate cuddle.

I was due to meet P (74 ) of Bexhill who was going to travel to Ashford by train and again I said I’d meet him at the station and we’d have coffee locally. This time we had a phone call first so I didn’t have the same problem as the previous week with S of Shoeburyness. I’d always had reservations about the geographical distance between us and a few days before we were due to meet, he obviously also had the same reservations. He messaged and apologised profusely for letting me down but said he just didn’t think any sort of relationship was viable due to distances and I quite agreed and was a bit grateful he’d called off.

That said, I would have had two more first meets that week but had to cancel one as I had to wait in for an engineer to fix my boiler but as he is local, it was no problem. I did, however, meet at relatively short notice with R (63) from Dover. Meeting in a popular hostelry roughly equidistant between us for a coffee, we chatted easily but although each thought the other really nice, we were quite frank about what we hoped to get out of a relationship and decided that we had quite different agendas so one more profile ended up in the ‘reject file’. Perhaps it was time to meet up with some of my younger suiters or would they back off once offered an actual date?

Month 3 (Part 3) It seems I’m a GILF!

I’m told by my very good friend who is a ‘Woman of the World’ that I needed to have read Nancy Friday’s book ‘Men in Love’, a psychological book about men’s sexual fantasies and understanding them. I took her advice and downloaded it on to my Kindle. What a HUGE book. I consider I’m a fast reader but it took me days. However, I am so glad I did as it was to stand me in good stead over the next weeks. For fun, I was also lent the DVD box set of ‘The Secret Diary of a Call Girl’ with Billie Piper. My education was expanding dramatically, in all senses!20170128_115021

The latest dating site (4) was bringing mostly a very different type of interest. The demographic of the site, as well as being international is also mainly younger and although in my search criteria I had still put 58-78 years, the interest I was attracting (with my new photos) brought messages from age 20 up. I thought it was a mistake at first but apparently not. Just one lad of 23 and living in Africa was genuinely after a pen friend (yes we ‘talk’ nearly every day and I have learnt so much about his way of life) but others who ‘only wanted to talk’ eventually disclosed they were genuinely turned on by me, fancy that!

Several in their 30’s propositioned me in no uncertain terms. 4 or 5 times I was called a GILF – I had to ask my son what it meant. For those of my generation who are also baffled and haven’t a suitable younger person to ask, I suggest you consult Google! Was I shocked? Actually, apart from being technically incorrect as I have no grandchildren, I thought it was a hoot and quite flattered.

Particularly persistent were a local guy (as no pic was a bit worried in case we knew each other – we don’t, phew!) and one from Israel who was threatening to fly in to see me. I was already with women 2 years from your country and she was 72 years old, Please try. We talk and we will see, Ok?’ was just one of his persistent messages. Both these 2 were early 30’s and I probably disgraced myself but did a deal with them both that if I sent them some pix would they please leave me alone. Selfies have never been my strong point but I managed to take some boob pix and crop my face out of them.  On the understanding they would go no further, I sent them. I can’t say I wasn’t amused at the reaction and told myself in any case it’s little different to sunbathing topless on a beach (though that’s also something I wouldn’t do these days!).  One kept his side of the bargain after a bit more chat but I had to block the other. I kept the pix on file so I wouldn’t have to take more when required (as they surely were). For those that wanted pix of other areas, they were told  ‘I might do eroticism but I don’t do porn’. In any case even if I wanted to I couldn’t reach without a selfie stick! Just one other point before I leave this subject, why is that men, even when asked specifically not to, feel compelled to send ‘dick pix’ often having measured the length? One guy completely went the wrong way about trying to persuade me to send pix. First he offered to swap and I said definitely not, then he said would I sell some for money?  I was outraged (though I was smiling) and said absolutely not. He deleted his profile within hours (or maybe the site deleted him?). It wouldn’t have changed my answer but I did think maybe I should have asked how much he would have been willing to pay!

It was about this time, that someone suggested I write a Blog so here I am but there’s more to come.

Month 3 (Part 2) Wow! Feeling desirable again

Whilst I was winding up T of Chatham, I was also fielding lots of other interest. Amazing how adept one becomes at spotting a phony after a while. C of Mansion House (don’t these scammers research the areas of London they purport to come from?) had looked very attractive for all of ½ a day and two messages!

However, there were also nice people about. B of Dartford seems very sweet although maybe not very exciting. We still haven’t met but I think we will. Whether we are a match, time will tell. A of Canterbury is different story. He is a biker and from his photos looked a little unkempt. However, he is very honest in his (various) profiles about what he is and isn’t looking for. This is good for managing expectations, he said openly that he wasn’t looking for a wife or live-in lover but a live-out lover would be nice! We had been winking and sending odd messages back and forth since the start of joining site 1 and here he is on site 3. Because he does not live huge distances from me I had suggested a meet up early on, thinking whilst we might not be a match it would be good practice for me to have a date,mistletoe this was before I had met P of Croydon. At that point, although he was happy to meet, we couldn’t find a mutually convenient day/time and the moment passed. He had told me honestly that he was actively seeing 3 or 4 other ladies so I wasn’t surprised. Just before Christmas we decided to give it another go and met in a convenient pub for a drink. When he arrived, I was pleasantly surprised how smart he looked. We chatted for an hour or so, what a difference from my first date when we were searching for conversation topics. This time we talked easily and I had a really nice time and felt comfortable. He had joked before we met that he’d bring mistletoe and I mentioned it in the pub. He said we’d have a little kiss when we left. I was expecting a fairly chaste kiss in the car park. He invited me in the back of his car for 10 minutes and I thought ‘why not?  10 minutes, busy car park, I can do this.’  Well about 20 minutes later he escorted me back to my car in a gentlemanly manner whilst I straightened my clothing and pushed my hair back to some semblance of order. Wow, I hadn’t been kissed like that for a very long time!

Looking back on it now, some 4 weeks later (gosh only 4 weeks?) I think that was a big turning point for me. I started walking round with a silly grin on my face, a gleam in my eye and a spring in my step. Lots of people noticed it but didn’t necessarily know why. I started buying more sexy clothes not just to wear on dates but wearing them even to go to the supermarket. What was the matter with me? I’ve been this ‘pillar of the community’ for years and to friends and colleagues, although I hope most would have described me as kind, loyal, trustworthy, fun even, I think very few had seen the naughty side of me which was re-emerging. I hadn’t felt as good as this for about 30 years!

Christmas and New Year came and went and I felt ready to swim in a bigger pool.  I joined my first international dating site (4). This was a whole new ball game really. I got swamped with so many messages from Americans in particular but other nationalities too that I had to write a standard polite response saying I was hoping to date someone in person close to home and make it a copy and paste job. At least they got a reply. At this time, I also had a couple of photographs taken just to use on dating websites and removed all others I had posted. It occurred to me that as my daughter had been able to discover some scammers by searching for their images on the internet, someone could do the same to me. Whilst I had no dishonest intent, with the information I had posted, unwisely, about my life and with the photos, it wouldn’t take a Sherlock with a bit of internet savvy to track down exactly who I am and where I live which was a bit disturbing.

Month 3 (part 1) Is chat synonymous with online sex?

Things were beginning to move faster now.  My membership to dating website 1 had come to an end, and I wasn’t having great success with 2 so following the recommendation in a comparative article, I joined another site aimed at more mature people (3).  Actually this is a very similar layout to No 1 and unsurprisingly so as they are owned by the same group. Apparently there is a lot of ‘cross-patching’ between the sites too so there were a lot of familiar profiles on there. Nevertheless, there were some new faces as well. Early on, I got a message from G of Faversham. He asked if I was the lady he had met whilst walking his dog in my area. I was not but we messaged back and forth a few times and he obviously was lonely and just wanted to chat with someone of a similar age. I felt sorry for him so agreed to meet for a drink on the understanding it was just a drink and a chat and no further agenda. He was very nervous as it was his first date and mine with P was still fresh in my mind so I put him at his ease and he went away quite happy, I did too as he was very sweet but not my type and I felt I’d done my good deed.   man-head

Around this time I was getting lots of winks from T of Chatham. He had contacted me lots on website 1 too and I got fed up with asking him to post a photo and put some more details in his profile. In the end, he asked to chat and I agreed, it started out with pleasantries then he said something about liking larger women. He asked if I found that offensive and I said not at all as I know what I am. He then asked my measurements and I said (honestly) that I didn’t have a clue. He then asked my dress size and bra size and I furnished him with the info thinking he was sizing up whether he liked me or not. My friend sitting with me when I told her what he had asked got him right straight away. She said he’s sitting there in a dressing gown with his ’wang’ hanging out , getting off on this.  I didn’t heed her warning, though I acknowledged she could well be right. He then started describing what he would like to do with my breasts…. I let it go on a few minutes because actually he was arousing me but then I felt so ashamed that I just said, ‘I can’t go along with this’ and terminated the chat.

He sent lots more messages over the next 15 minutes asking me to go back on line. I didn’t and I felt very unsettled. The trouble was, although he made me feel a bit dirty, I actually had to admit that I had sort of enjoyed it deep down. To my shame, the next day, I kept looking out for him coming back on line and sure enough there he was. We chatted again but soon things went the way I expected and I was really getting quite excited when I once more felt so guilty that I terminated the conversation. Because I had asked him previously, several times to post a photograph and add more info to his profile without success, I offered to give him an e-mail address to send a photo to. After our second ’chat’ he agreed to send one.  Now seeing his e-mail address I realised that even the first name he was using on site was not real, He said it was his second name. I stewed for a bit then e-mailed him offering to play his game but under my rules. I said we’d have a fantasy on-line date and in this date I would come to his house (as I’d never seen his house he could make up what it was like). All he had to do was decide what he was going to wear for the date. He was so excited. I told him I’d give him an early Christmas present but Christmas only comes once a year and this would be a one-off and it was on the understanding we would never meet.

 

We had trouble arranging a mutually convenient time so in the end he had to wait nearly 24 hours for the date. In the meantime, I kept getting messages and e-mails saying how wonderful it was that he’d found someone on his own wavelength, to which I replied again that he hadn’t and pointed out it was a one-off. He suggested that we should meet to play out the roles for real, to which I reminded him that one of the conditions was that we’d never meet. I also received several messages telling me the effect the anticipation was having on him in quite graphic terms! I had to chastise him for using such explicit language on the on-line forum as I found it quite embarrassing and couldn’t delete it.

I have to say I was quite proud of my planned date I thought I’d used quite a bit of imagination and just planning it gave me quite a lot of pleasure. The morning came to play out the fantasy. He was wound tighter than a spring but I was actually very focused on getting the best result for him and quite cold about it all but I made myself sound very turned on and passionate. Well, I’m afraid the date has to be censored but just to say at the end of it when he had climaxed and was completely spent he said ‘Oh, this is love’ and I replied ‘No, this is sex’. He asked, ‘But you did enjoy it?’ and I said ‘I really enjoyed the planning of it, but was I aroused? Actually, not at all.’ This was absolutely true. He muttered he was late for something and had to go. He didn’t appear on line all the next day or most of the day after that and I started to feel a bit guilty in case I’d been too hard on him. I sent a message saying I was sorry if I’d hurt him but he needed to learn a lesson and perhaps he should live in the real world rather than a cyber one. Eventually he made contact saying it ‘felt very empty afterwards and he felt used’. I replied thus:

‘Although I wanted you to enjoy it, as you say it is not nice to feel used, but that is what ladies you chat to in a sexually explicit way are likely to feel. You post no photos and put very little on your profile then engage in online sex. I don’t feel that way over our ‘fantasy date’ as I suggested it but I did on the two previous occasions when we chatted, even though you excited me at the time. I’m strong and not vulnerable and lonely but many people of both sexes on this site are and it is very disappointing to be made to feel desirable only to find out they are a means to an end. Just think about the consequences now you have felt that for yourself………. I feel a bit sorry for you in that you must lack self-confidence to behave as you are under some anonymity, but that is no excuse to abuse other vulnerable people. You might not have thought that is what you were doing but maybe now you will understand.’
I also suggested if he wanted to play those games, he should register on the ‘Naughty’ version of the site when it is what people expect.

With hindsight, having had a lot more experience of on-line sex on other sites, I think maybe I was a bit hard on him but I still believe it is a question of not picking on people one thinks is desperate for love or even attention.  I also think that this particular site, aimed specifically at older folk was the wrong place to be playing those games. I can be a hard woman!

Month 2: Stalkers

After the disappointment of L from Cheapside, and also feeling rather foolish, I re-instated my membership of dating website 1 (when I ring-fingersuspended it they had given me another month free-of-charge and I’m never one to miss a bargain) and started all over. About this time I also decided that I should remove my wedding ring. I             suppose I have used it as a symbol that I am not available over the past years but seemed inappropriate now.

It is as well that from the start of this exercise, I have kept ‘files’ on anyone I talk to at all seriously. Maybe it is that old habits die hard but there were several advantages. For one thing it helped me to remember who was who and what had been said, it also meant I didn’t have to keep finding their profiles on the website and, as one knows every time someone visits your profile, the person concerned needn’t be aware when I was having a sneaky peek to remind myself who they were etc. However, they proved to have a more important use. These are just Word documents on which I copy the web profile, any pictures and copies of any significant e-mails or messages received added to the bottom. Amongst some of the other winks and expressions of interest, out of the blue I got an e-mail from Jack. ‘Thanks for sending me your email id, i must Confess you are very beautiful and i hope we can become best of friends, and hopefully take things to a new level, like i told you i am new to online dating and you are the first lady i am speaking with and i also hope you would be my last.’

The e-mail continued in the same vein and had a couple of nice pictures attached but by now I was very used to L’s style of writing and besides, in my files I knew I hadn’t spoken to a Jack and also knew who I had given this special e-mail address to. He got a short shrift e-mail back and I blocked him. One final thought on L. He hadn’t asked for any money so where was the scam? I am sure in my own mind he was mailing from abroad. I think he wanted me to meet him at the airport and take him to a hotel in the hopes I would now be so infatuated, that he would be able to persuade me to help him get a visa or whatever. I don’t know what he thought I would think when my handsome actor didn’t arrive, who knows? As I say, just a theory but the only logical one I can come up with.

Another strong suit came from J of Bray but by now, if I couldn’t find the photos on the internet myself, using the method my daughter had taught me, I sent them on to her as she is much better at it than I am. This guy hadn’t posted a photo but agreed to send some by e-mail, I supposed because there are fewer people who might catch you out. Within his long e-mails he used two expressions which stuck in my mind. The photos turned out to be of some millionaire publisher (no wonder he said he lived in Bray with an income of over £100K – earnings like that are always a danger sign!)

Another attractive individual was J from Walderslade but again his lifestyle seemed too good to believe but I try to be open-minded whilst cautious so we e-mailed and in his first long missive he used the phrases: ‘gentleman who lost my ex wife from bloody cancer’ and ‘but I am looking for my soul mate someone who has the locks to fit my keys, and the keys to fit my locks.’ And they immediately rang a bell. Back to my trusty files and there they were, sure enough. Sloppy copy and paste job , I thought!

I realise that whether I was being stalked by one man or two, I needed to get off the first site at the end of the month but before that I had joined Dating website 2, a bit more expensive but certainly more upmarket. It was not as good for me in that anyone I took a fancy to was either already seeing someone else or didn’t reciprocate my interest but I did get my first date out of it.

P of Croydon also hadn’t posted a photo which made me cautious but his profile looked interesting. I asked for a photo and he said he’d text me one if I wanted. I agreed and gave him my mobile number and a very nice photo was sent and it all checked out ok! He didn’t much like texting so asked if we could talk on the phone. As he already had my number for the photo I agreed and found he had a lovely Irish accent (not unexpected as that was in his profile). In conversation I asked what his former profession had been and he said he had been a GP and then the penny dropped why no photo, I guess the same would apply to teachers, lecturers, consultants etc. This is now why I don’t assume I know why.

We agreed to meet in London for a coffee as I would be in town that day anyway and I was quite excited as I really thought we could be a match. Sadly when we met, it appeared his photo could have been 10 years out of date but I might have forgiven him that if he hadn’t been so boring. The feeling was obviously mutual as we parted politely with no plans for a future meet. It was good to have broken my duck though.