Well it’s approaching Easter, a period of reflection and contemplation and I feel I need to do this. Also as will be away for a week shortly, it seemed a good time to take a break from both dating sites. I contacted those I was already talking to explaining I was taking a break, most had other means of contacting me, but those who didn’t could contact me via the site (on site 5) or would have to catch up later on site 4. I’d intended to do this at the week-end but a last minute contact changed my plans.
A (46) of Broadstairs contacted me saying it was his first day on the site and he’d made up his mind that I was his favourite by a big margin. Would I meet with him (same evening if possible but it wasn’t). Anyway I needed time to check him out but he is extremely good looking and sounded lovely. I am not going into all the long exchanges but eventually, having agreed to meet the next evening, he said he works 7 days a week and could only spare half an hour but wanted to “get the first date out of the way so I could have my wicked way with him”. I said if he was that busy, there wouldn’t be much of a social life which is what I was hoping to get from the relationship. There were sharp exchanges back and forth, he obviously thinks he would be irresistible and that should be enough for me. We agreed to forget it. I don’t know why I was so upset. Before he made contact I was very happy with my lot with 3 or 4 nice young men seemingly interested and I needed to meet others for coffee who I thought were probably not a match but they seemed keen. After today’s exchange I was really upset and I am not quite sure why it affected me so badly. I hid my profile on the two websites I was on straight away and sobbed. Poor M from London mentioned in last post contacted me as he often does in the evening and got the brunt of my rant against men who only want me for sex and how it feels like being a prostitute without the financial reward. He did his best to comfort me from a distance but the irony was not lost on either of us that the cap also fitted him!
In some ways I feel ungrateful, as I am sure many women of my age and size would be only too grateful to have lots of very attractive younger men anxious to take them to bed and in many ways I am grateful, it is good for my self-esteem but equally, I have never been so anxious for a physical relationship that I would throw over all my feelings and principles. I feel in this dating situation, it is my only bargaining chip to get the sort of relationship I am seeking, even if it will not be long-lasting.
As I was in ‘tidying-up mode’ I also contacted my older friend A of Canterbury, told him I was coming off all websites for the time being (not that it affected him as he is only on ones I am no longer on). I said March was becoming as manic timewise as I had thought it would be (with non-dating activities) and maybe we would be able to catch up in April. He sent a nice little e-mail back wishing me luck and saying he is dating – great! I do wish him well but still think our paths are likely to cross again. We’ll see. Well looks as though my period of Lent won’t have as much temptation put in my way as I’d thought. Perhaps it’s just as well.
M contacted me next morning to check I was ok, which was nice of him, he left it till mid-morning and I had got rid of the aggression I was feeling at the gym. He had had the sense to try and interest me in neither a late night nor early morning conversation as has become a sort of habit recently. I did thank him nicely for being a friend and a listening ear when I needed it. Poor bloke didn’t get much option!
Several guys contacted me wondering why I was coming off site but I just said I needed a break ‘to consolidate’ and anyway as I would be going away, it seemed sensible. I guess I’ll try and catch up with some of the guys whom I hadn’t fitted in for a coffee yet. No problem with that. A man who had previously stood me up twice, albeit with excuses, decided he’d wait till the queue had gone down and said he was only interested in being ‘friends with benefits’ which is not what he’d said originally. He’d chosen the wrong day for a sympathetic response!