Month 8 (Part 1) – “I can resist anything except temptation” – Oscar Wilde

Was told my last blog was depressing and when queried this with another was told that while it might not be depressing was maybe a little glum! Such are the ups and downs of dating but don’t wish to be either glum or depressing so happy to announce that this week has been much brighter!

It has been an interesting week: thought I had a date booked on Friday with the guy who last stood me up because he had to wait in for a parcel to be delivered. (Asked him what was in the parcel and he said a router so I told him he could think of me each time he used it and sent him a saucy pic!). Well I’d made him wait six weeks or so for another chance and eventually he made it back on the list. When we fixed the date a week ago I said not to let me down again and to confirm by mid-week if it was going ahead. Nothing heard so he’s in the reject file too and blocked on WhatsApp.

That said, another guy with the same forename but from a different town made contact, was very keen to meet and even took time off work to do so. At least with the first one deleted, I won’t send stuff to the wrong person! I met B (51) from Westbrook in a nearby town. We’d chatted on WhatsApp from the beginning as he was only on site 5 for a couple of days as was playing ducks and drakes with someone from work on the same site and didn’t want her to see him there. Apparently gossip is rife. We got on so well we agreed to meet within two days of first making contact but the weather was against us. It absolutely teemed with rain, so much so that he’d have got soaked in seconds walking to our agreed meeting place so I drove closer to pick him up. Windows were steamed up even before I met him and the rain was relentless. We abandoned the idea of a drink in a local hostelry as we’d have looked like drowned rats before we’d made it out of the car park so just drove to the cliffs and had our ‘get to know you’ type chat there and enjoyed each other’s company for a couple of hours.

Rain On Screen LargeG (51) of Chelmsford mentioned in Month 4 (part 2) blog got in touch again and said he’d like to meet; likewise S (60) from Wisbech, with whom I had been chatting on and off for over a month, who said he would soon be visiting his son who lives relatively locally.  I’d already arranged a date with R (67) of Twickenham for next week, though now actually think that last week’s blog has irritated him so he may not show, which is a shame, but overall I am feeling optimistic.

Had an audio telephone conversation with J (64) of Ulster, first mentioned in month 4 (part 3) blog. We have messaged fairly regularly since we first met on-line but this had been the first time we had actually heard each other’s voices. He liked my accent and I his. It also amazed me how someone who comes over so shy on-line can so come out of his shell when actually speaking. It seems he’s worried about being kicked off the site if he says the wrong things although I assured him if that were the case, not only I but most of the men I chat to would have been thrown off long ago but he’s not convinced.

I have received a very tempting offer if a certain gent and I hit it off but the question is, do I feel comfortable in accepting it? He is looking for a ‘strong minded lady’.  Incredibly, his main sexual pleasure is to do anything he is told to by ‘his lady’ to please her. He looks at this completely unselfishly as he ‘is programmed‘ by events in his past to do this and he gets his satisfaction from almost venerating [my word as I feel even less comfortable with his] her body in every way, even to the extent that he is happy for her to take lovers whilst he would be utterly faithful. Sounds so hedonistic but having heard his back-story, I actually do believe that this is what he wants but I am struggling to get my head round it. Apart from the fact that I am used to being monogamous, unless I really fell in love with him, I couldn’t help but feel I was using him which does not sit easy with me at all. The whole story has blown my hat off and I can think of little else at the moment. I am trying to keep an open mind until we meet. I think I will even give it a go to see if it helps me make up my mind, but although an offer like his (and I can’t give more details) will only come once in my lifetime, the jury’s out as to whether I feel I can accept it, if indeed he is still offering it to me after we meet. Time will tell…..

Month 7 (Part 3) Feeling a tad jaded

Got back from first date with A of Westgate as mentioned in last blog and checked messages on line as usual and there was a very nice one from a new contact D (61) of Ipswich. We chatted on line for a couple of hours and seemed to get on well. He asked if we could phone chat next morning, which we did – twice – and agreed that in spite of the distance, it would be worth trying to meet. Actually was quite excited at the prospect of this one but have learnt not to count chickens and just as well as he seems to have perceptibly cooled over the last week and I’m not sure why.

Two other new contacts who seem keen but are really too far away have not only texted but phoned as well which was unusual to me until recently and are worth a mention as they may well crop up again.  R (67) from Twickenham who is going to be the next ‘Bad Boy’ to replace M of London, I think, with his constant texts, phone calls and even video calls. The other is T (55) from Gt. Yarmouth. He’s too far away but visits a friend in Kent in the summer so hopes to fit in a date then. He even tells me he has massage skills to so maybe hope of a good massage yet!

I had asked M of London if we were to go to bed once, would it ‘scratch the itch’ for him or did he think he’d only want more? His answer was that he’d be insatiable! Our last (I believe) conversation continued:

Then maybe best not to start. I’d come round to the idea that maybe just once would satisfy curiosity. Think you like the chase.

We need to do it

Not if it’s going to make life harder. [conversation continued about difficulties of meeting up for a good few weeks anyway and he said he could wait if he had to]

But for the longer term you need to find someone else anyway as if I do form an attachment, I shall not be unfaithful, it’s not my MO.

But you will fall for me

The reason I’m taking my time is that I’m picky and falling for you is not an option. You are taken. I know I could fall for you. Anyway, sex apart, I am too old for you. If you’re really trying to get me out of your system, delete our conversations and my number. I will understand and be proud of you for doing it – even if I miss our chats…….

I rattled on a little more telling him he should sort out his problems with his girlfriend because it is important. I haven’t heard from him since but am aware he has looked again at my profile on the website and re-visits our WhatsApp conversations (as I do too) but he is trying to do the right thing and break himself of the habit of contacting me.  I am proud of him (even though I know I’ll miss his messages) as I know he was hooked and if things had gone on I was in for some heartache too.

I still chat almost daily to my young friend in Africa whom I met when I first joined site 4. I seem to friends with his whole family now and I do keep a lonely young man company when he needs it sometimes. He lives in a major city but his mother lives in a village, some miles away. He calls me Mommy too and I’ve spoken to his real Mum and she is happy that I take an interest in him. It is a two way street because I have learned a lot about the way of life in his country for an ordinary person. If I ever manage to visit, which I hope I shall do one day, I won’t just get the tourist view.ugandan-flag-graphic

Well some like my blog and for others it’s a turn off –  better to be honest and find out early. This younger gent who might have been prepared to drive quite a distance to meet is obviously of the latter variety but it is good for me to have both points of view and that keeps my feet on the ground. This after sending a link to blog and a day’s silence from him:

So have I turned you off? If so quite understand. Just like to know.

Why do you want to tell strangers about your sex life? X

Not sex life exactly more dating journey. It’s cathartic to write and gives me a buzz that people I don’t know, in different countries even, enjoy reading it. I don’t think it’s smutty, just a little naughty here and there. Several women have told me they can identify with it. Some men like it, others don’t. That’s why I’m now upfront about it. Better they know from the start than I spring it later.

Well if you’re not really serious about finding someone then it’s up to you but it will turn a few men off and might send out a message you’re a bit of a time waster x

Ok thanks for the honest comment. Good luck in your search! Xx

So that’s told me! It might give the perception that I’m a time waster but actually think I waste less of other peoples’ time by sifting before I meet than raising hopes if I have no intention of following through. If informing them via the blog tells them how I do it, isn’t that just being honest?

Am getting bored with site 4 so have hidden my profile there for now. Actually went through the registration process of 3 more sites in one evening, filling out profiles etc. only to find their ‘free version’ is as useless as the first 3 sites I was on so deleted them straight away. At least I am more knowledgeable now as to what is worth paying for (for me) and what is not. No dates imminent but 2 booked in the coming fortnight and no shortage of chat so that will have to do me for now.

Month 7 (Part 2) – A funny (peculiar) old week

Things sometimes happen so fast in this game that even I have trouble keeping up. Barely had I posted my previous blog when I found out (because I asked whether I had upset him) that one of my two gents living in London is suddenly no longer interested. What a sudden turnabout. It is either because I gave him a link to this blog or because I touched a nerve with a question – but he had said I could ask anything! I’m sorry as he seemed really nice but it can’t be helped and I will just move on having wished him luck for his future dating. A couple of days later the other London guy deleted his profile but as I had him on WhatsApp too, I asked if he wanted me to delete those details too. He just said he was not well at the moment and decided to take a break. He didn’t ask me to delete so I’ve kept them and he can contact me if and when he is ready. The fellow from the market town I seem to have jinxed stayed in touch though and although he later deleted his profile, has my contact details and I believe will stay in touch.

I arranged to meet D (50) from Charing for a cup of tea which was interesting as he too has stories to tell. He happened to be in a neighbouring town for a training and we took advantage of the proximity to my home to meet. cup of teaDaytime meets always feel a bit less like a date to me and more just a chat but it’s fine for deciding whether there is any chemistry there or not. We talked about several subjects apart from dating such as spirituality which made a welcome change. We did have a bit of a kiss and cuddle in the car after but it’s a bit inhibiting in daylight. However, we both enjoyed each other’s company and agreed to meet next time for a ‘proper date’.

More interest from various quarters but difficult in the early stages to see if it will lead anywhere, especially if there are distances to travel but time will tell. R (51) from Newington with whom I had a nice if rather brief date last week (mentioned in previous blog) had planned a surprise second date with me next week – think it was to stretch over a day and evening but haven’t been told the details yet – has just been told he has to work all week when he thought he would have time off. As I shall be doing temporary work for the following 6 weeks or so, it seems the kibosh is on that! Maybe we can still fit in a coffee or a drink somewhere but it is a bit disappointing. I could do with someone planning something a bit exciting!

It’s a funny old [dating] world, a day or so after writing the previous paragraph, 3 things happened to give me a lift in unexpected ways:

G (43) from Worthing said he would try and organise a meet in the next few days – surely it’s got to work sometime? (It didn’t!).

I had an early morning sexting conversation with a friend in the Midlands but then couldn’t get back on the website – I know it’s possible to be thrown off these sites and they are monitored to some degree but have never been banned from anywhere in my life! Surely I’m not that bad!! The guy I was talking to also couldn’t access it which made it worse but suggested the site might have crashed, time will tell but I’m not worried, just amused. (Later found site had crashed but shows I had a guilty conscience!)

A lady who writes a blog I’m following who sex-chats professionally is now following this blog, I’m flattered she’s interested or maybe she’s just being kind.

Just got a really odd message, this is how it started: Forgive me for emailing you out of the blue today. I don’t know how to say this but my good friend seems to like your profile and what you wrote about yourself .He is not on the dating site, i was talking him into online dating & while taking him through the process i decided to show him how to search single ladies on [site 5] so apparently your profile came up in our search criteria and he was really intrigued by your profile. His name is [PH] 59 yrs caucasian white he’s currently living in Rotherham, UK and you are the only woman that caught his attention and he compliments your pretty photo and lovely profile. It will be nice to have a chat with, well i am not trying to paint him good but from his interest I think you might want to connect with him. I think you could give this try.  It went on in this vein for more than twice the length of the extract posted above and gave me the friend’s e-mail and phone number. If the guy lives in Rotherham it hardly seems a viable potential relationship anyway and I said so.  However I said if he wanted to e-mail me, he could, providing when he does so, he includes a photo and tells me a bit about himself. I shall wait with baited breath!

Had a date at short notice with A (55) of Westgate on Sea. He’s a foreign national and was very nervous as his English is not brilliant but he is very sweet and, even better, trained as a masseur in his home country –tempting! I expect we will meet again some time.

Had a second date with him a week later but followed the same pattern. I don’t think it can go anywhere but he is a good kisser!

Next day I sent a message saying that due to language difficulties, I couldn’t see a relationship developing but if he fancied more of the same from time to time till one of us formed an attachment, then I was willing and he understands and agrees. Feel better for that.

PS Guy in Rotherham never made contact and his friend who wrote to me must have blocked me as all the conversations have disappeared. Very peculiar!

Month 7 (Part 1) – Disappointments and Nice Surprises

Well Easter is past and I am back in the fray. It’s interesting how I can still be misled so easily by profiles though. One fellow who lives in Devon in a town I know very well sent me a very suggestive opening message and when I looked at his profile it was all about casual sex and one night stands. As I’ve said before, I always try and send a polite reply to any message so I ignored his remarks and profile but said that I knew the town he lives in quite well, and he responded at once and we had a lovely text conversation about lots of local changes and other places he asked if I knew etc., not at all what I expected.

In contrast, a man who lives more locally, I won’t give him even an initial yet as the jury is still out as to whether I will meet him, though this is becoming doubtful, is obviously well educated and we started off a lovely chat about Classical Spain. After a few days of silence, he came back to me, saying how turned on he is by me and how much he wants to meet me, then said could he ask a big favour. I responded, saying that it depended what it was but he could try me. He asked for pictures of me in underwear (or without it) and some quite specific areas. I told him “No” and that I don’t do those sort of pics but he tried persuading me saying that it’s not porn, just fun. I was quite shocked as I didn’t think he would be that sort of fellow at all. I’m really rather disappointed as until that point I had thought him a good prospect. Just goes to show that it’s too easy to make assumptions based on the persona a person wants to portray themselves as on websites.

My ninth first date was with R (51) of Newington. He first made contact some months ago, and I had slightly put him off, mainly on the grounds he lived on the wrong side of the Dartford Crossing, though if I had been keen enough, I’d still have attempted a meet. He made contact after I got back from holiday and reinstated my profile on site, welcoming me back. I repeated that his location was still a problem but he said he was now living with his father and considerably closer to me! I agreed that was much more doable and we chatted on line a bit then exchanged phone numbers so we could text or phone and agreed a date. He said he had been keen since our earlier communications and sounded very gentlemanly. There was a slight miscommunication as I had thought we were meeting before Easter and he had meant the week following but that was sorted out.

He had warned me he could not get to our date till 9pm which is rather later than I would choose to meet but I agreed and the choice of venue was mine. Sadly he was further delayed but at least he did let me know, however, by the time he joined me I had nearly drunk two glasses of Sauvignon Blanc! That said, when he did arrive (cold as he’d thought I would not have waited in a bar on my own so assumed I was outsideshoes somewhere – he obviously hadn’t yet got my measure) we had a pleasant chat then a pretty hot kiss and cuddle in the car. We agreed to meet again. I was particularly touched that he was happy for me to carry on dating others, knowing anyway, that I wouldn’t become ‘exclusive’ to anyone until I’d had several dates with anyone. Jealousy is not a pleasant trait. He would just be happy for me to have my fun finding my way, he’d just like to be part of my journey.

The following week-end brought a flurry of new interest and some of it quite interesting. Two men living in different parts of London seemed quite keen to meet me and one in a market town some 20 miles away. I don’t have any luck with guys from this town even when I think there are possibilities. I shall give this one a bit more time to see how it goes but if he ends up in the reject file as I think may be the case he will be about the 5th from a particular area to do so and it’s not an area that I have any problem with per se, indeed I have friends who live there. Dates that I’ve arranged there with fellows from other places have never happened either. It seems jinxed for me!

What a pleasant surprise! G (43) from Worthing is back from his hols (a little later than I had expected) and has made contact. I told him he was becoming a regular feature in the blog for the last few weeks and he thought he better catch up with it. I wouldn’t have done it 3 months ago, but I have now started warning guys I am likely to meet (and some that I am not) that I am writing the blog. It seems fairer to be upfront about it and if it bothers them, they need not meet me. I point out that no-one is identified and if I write a significant piece about our meeting then I usually send them copy before it is published so they can be reassured that they are not going to be ridiculed or identified.

Been back on line for about 10 days now and it’s as if I never left! Some guys are becoming more like internet pen-friends, I guess it’s a way for all of us to relieve a little loneliness or boredom. That said, I still get 4 or 5 new hits a day between the two sites so I am more than happy.