Month 6 (Part 2) Reflection or Action?

I almost felt I was having withdrawal symptoms not checking for messages on the websites for a few days. I couldn’t receive them anyway from site 4 without reactivating my profile and I didn’t want to do that, but was pleased that two guys who had talked to me quite a lot a few weeks ago sent messages through, one just commented how he liked the latest picture I’d posted and that worried me in case my profile was not hidden. I checked and think it is, maybe it was just a slow reaction from him. The other was from one who had seemed really keen then seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth when I agreed to meet him. He apologised and said he was working in India for a few weeks but he’d still like to meet. I was quite pleased to hear from him but played it cool and suggested he contact me when he returns and we’d see how both of us felt at that point.

Another even more welcome string of messages came from R from Woodstock, mentioned in the blog before last. We had had a very nice first date and I thought there was some chemistry there. He obviously felt so too but was sorry but it didn’t look as though work was going to bring him my way in the coming week. I had already agreed a lunch time meet with S (60) from Folkestone the following Friday so I wasn’t completely going ‘cold turkey’ but although he seemed really quite keen, after all my handsome younger men’s attention, it did seem a bit tame. In spite of his profile saying ‘only looking for friendship and daytime meets’ I got the feeling he was hoping for more, maybe partly my fault as we’d had a few slightly flirty conversations and I did apologise in advance if I had been giving out the wrong signals. My safety net was the fact that we are both Christians and whilst he is separated, he is not divorced from his wife so if he is looking for more, I can with conviction say that I won’t be an adulterer and I trust he will concur.

Whilst mulling over this, a message comes through on KIK from G of Worthing, also mentioned in the blog before last. The astute reader may remember that I was due to meet him for a first date and I got laryngitis then we possibly rescheduled for the end of that week and also the evening that R of Woodstock met me but he was dealing with a family crisis. We very quickly rekindled the friendship that had formed and I agreed to meet him on the coming Thursday evening. I went from having a ‘sabbatical’ to two first dates in 2 days in the blink of an eye!

The best laid plans…… and all that! G had to postpone again due to an unexpected work commitment, this was our third postponement, once by me and twice by him. I’m sure we will meet up sometime but it is frustrating! I guess it’s one of the issues of dating (or not) men in their forties, almost at the peak of their careers.

The meet with S did go ahead, we had a coffee and a ‘chat’ in the car. We seemed to get onCoffee ok and agreed to meet for occasional afternoons or days out when his shifts allowed. However, I did feel decidedly underwhelmed. He sent me several nice messages that afternoon and evening and had been keeping in touch daily. I felt increasingly anxious over a promised video chat with him the following Monday. During the week-end I had advice I actually knew but somehow I needed someone else to articulate it before I could really take it on board. My son told me that if I was not keen, the longer I put off telling him the harder it would be and my friend separately told me that I’m not a charity and if I’m not happy to put an end to it now.

I went ahead with the video chat but he was obviously hoping for more than I was willing to give, even if not a full sexual relationship. I finished the chat as was late for an appointment but when I got back sent, what I thought, was a kind message saying I didn’t think we were suited, explaining why and apologising. I said I wouldn’t talk on WhatsApp any more but when I was back from holiday, if back on the website, said I would talk again if he wished. He messaged back saying he’d been thinking the same and not to contact him again as I’d had my chance! I find it much easier to cope with that reaction than someone pleading to stay in touch. Only felt a sense of relief – must have been the right thing to do. Had messages from G (Worthing) and R (Woodstock) as well as my daily one or more from M (London) so more than happy. Hols fast approaching and busy week ahead so guess no more dating till I return.

Post script: G and I had our first voice call. Funny, just as one makes a picture in one’s mind without a photo to go on, his voice came as a surprise but not a bad one. We had agreed we would have one last ditch attempt at a ‘first meet’ before my holiday as he was leaving on his as I return and we were both keen but as I had a previous engagement would not be able to get to our agreed meeting place till 8.30.  Once again, come the day, it was not to be. He had a 5am start the following morning and would have a 2 hour drive home after we parted. Maybe we are just not destined to meet, pity!

PPS: R has removed his profile from the website and as this was my only means of contacting him, that also looks bleak. He does have my contact details if he is interested enough but I suspect I won’t hear again from him, Hmmph!!

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