I mentioned in my last blog that there were young men in their 20’s contacting me. Most I was able to fob off in a light-hearted way, telling them they would be better going out and making friends of their own age in the real world than mailing ladies like me. Apart from my African lad mentioned before, there were two others who have had quite an effect on me, one not for the good. I’ll talk about the latter first, J of Lancaster, 24 years old. A budding entrepreneur who has started his own business, he just wanted to talk to an older woman and that perhaps I could advise him. I’m such a softy! We messaged for a while on the site then he asked if we could use WhatsApp and I agreed.
The conversation continued during the afternoon but gradually got more personal. Then he or I (can’t remember whom) had other things to do and we said goodbye. I had remarked that his photo on the website was so ‘arty’ that I couldn’t actually see the features on his face. Later that evening he was messaging me again and he said he’d taken a picture just for me. It was a face and bare shoulders shot showing his delicate face complete with lip piercings. He asked to talk some more and against my better judgement we did, including a short video chat. I am not going to go into details but the upshot was, I thought, a very happy young man at the finish but he said he needed to disappear for 5 minutes and that was the last I saw or heard from him for 10 days. I was so worried in case he was more vulnerable than I had thought. I didn’t worry that night but messaged him both on WhatsApp and the website over the next couple of days just to ask if he was ok and said if he’d just confirm that, I’d not contact him again, but nothing. I felt really guilty and although it was he who had made all the running, I felt as if I’d seduced him. I was even beginning to worry that I had been such a bad influence that he might have harmed himself. 4 days later, I could bear it no longer. I telephoned his number, he answered but when I said ‘J, are you OK?’ he just hung up. That was enough though. I had recognised his voice and so felt relieved. I didn’t expect to ever hear from him again but some 10 days later he messaged me again out of the blue. I told him in no uncertain terms what he had put me through and said I wasn’t going to go through that again. He didn’t apologise, said I was being silly and that he’d had trouble with his phone but it was all fixed now which, apart from the fact he’d answered his phone, didn’t explain all. He could have contacted me through the website. He said he still liked me and wanted to talk. I told him he was a lovely young man and wished him every success in his life but I was now going to delete our conversations and his contact details from my phone (I’d archived our earlier conversation just in case I later found out I was to blame for him doing something silly). He tried ringing me three times in quick succession whilst I was doing this but I declined them and blocked his number. I never want to feel that guilty again.
There is less to say about the other young man who is 20. I think our friendship has been rather inspiring and encouraging on both sides. Because he first made contact just after I had gone through the wringer with J (above) he got the whole story and was so supportive and kind. I think I have helped him too and been a friend but now we’ve both decided we need to break apart gently. Contact details have been deleted so we only ‘speak’ on the website and that will gradually cease. He is a fine young man and I hope his parents are very proud of him.
I have decided no more chats with different young men in their 20’s, I am having enough trouble keeping up with those in their 30’s and 40’s! Trouble there is that I can talk the talk but a bit scared to walk the walk in case I can’t keep up! More next time.