Month 3 (part 1) Is chat synonymous with online sex?

Things were beginning to move faster now.  My membership to dating website 1 had come to an end, and I wasn’t having great success with 2 so following the recommendation in a comparative article, I joined another site aimed at more mature people (3).  Actually this is a very similar layout to No 1 and unsurprisingly so as they are owned by the same group. Apparently there is a lot of ‘cross-patching’ between the sites too so there were a lot of familiar profiles on there. Nevertheless, there were some new faces as well. Early on, I got a message from G of Faversham. He asked if I was the lady he had met whilst walking his dog in my area. I was not but we messaged back and forth a few times and he obviously was lonely and just wanted to chat with someone of a similar age. I felt sorry for him so agreed to meet for a drink on the understanding it was just a drink and a chat and no further agenda. He was very nervous as it was his first date and mine with P was still fresh in my mind so I put him at his ease and he went away quite happy, I did too as he was very sweet but not my type and I felt I’d done my good deed.   man-head

Around this time I was getting lots of winks from T of Chatham. He had contacted me lots on website 1 too and I got fed up with asking him to post a photo and put some more details in his profile. In the end, he asked to chat and I agreed, it started out with pleasantries then he said something about liking larger women. He asked if I found that offensive and I said not at all as I know what I am. He then asked my measurements and I said (honestly) that I didn’t have a clue. He then asked my dress size and bra size and I furnished him with the info thinking he was sizing up whether he liked me or not. My friend sitting with me when I told her what he had asked got him right straight away. She said he’s sitting there in a dressing gown with his ’wang’ hanging out , getting off on this.  I didn’t heed her warning, though I acknowledged she could well be right. He then started describing what he would like to do with my breasts…. I let it go on a few minutes because actually he was arousing me but then I felt so ashamed that I just said, ‘I can’t go along with this’ and terminated the chat.

He sent lots more messages over the next 15 minutes asking me to go back on line. I didn’t and I felt very unsettled. The trouble was, although he made me feel a bit dirty, I actually had to admit that I had sort of enjoyed it deep down. To my shame, the next day, I kept looking out for him coming back on line and sure enough there he was. We chatted again but soon things went the way I expected and I was really getting quite excited when I once more felt so guilty that I terminated the conversation. Because I had asked him previously, several times to post a photograph and add more info to his profile without success, I offered to give him an e-mail address to send a photo to. After our second ’chat’ he agreed to send one.  Now seeing his e-mail address I realised that even the first name he was using on site was not real, He said it was his second name. I stewed for a bit then e-mailed him offering to play his game but under my rules. I said we’d have a fantasy on-line date and in this date I would come to his house (as I’d never seen his house he could make up what it was like). All he had to do was decide what he was going to wear for the date. He was so excited. I told him I’d give him an early Christmas present but Christmas only comes once a year and this would be a one-off and it was on the understanding we would never meet.

 

We had trouble arranging a mutually convenient time so in the end he had to wait nearly 24 hours for the date. In the meantime, I kept getting messages and e-mails saying how wonderful it was that he’d found someone on his own wavelength, to which I replied again that he hadn’t and pointed out it was a one-off. He suggested that we should meet to play out the roles for real, to which I reminded him that one of the conditions was that we’d never meet. I also received several messages telling me the effect the anticipation was having on him in quite graphic terms! I had to chastise him for using such explicit language on the on-line forum as I found it quite embarrassing and couldn’t delete it.

I have to say I was quite proud of my planned date I thought I’d used quite a bit of imagination and just planning it gave me quite a lot of pleasure. The morning came to play out the fantasy. He was wound tighter than a spring but I was actually very focused on getting the best result for him and quite cold about it all but I made myself sound very turned on and passionate. Well, I’m afraid the date has to be censored but just to say at the end of it when he had climaxed and was completely spent he said ‘Oh, this is love’ and I replied ‘No, this is sex’. He asked, ‘But you did enjoy it?’ and I said ‘I really enjoyed the planning of it, but was I aroused? Actually, not at all.’ This was absolutely true. He muttered he was late for something and had to go. He didn’t appear on line all the next day or most of the day after that and I started to feel a bit guilty in case I’d been too hard on him. I sent a message saying I was sorry if I’d hurt him but he needed to learn a lesson and perhaps he should live in the real world rather than a cyber one. Eventually he made contact saying it ‘felt very empty afterwards and he felt used’. I replied thus:

‘Although I wanted you to enjoy it, as you say it is not nice to feel used, but that is what ladies you chat to in a sexually explicit way are likely to feel. You post no photos and put very little on your profile then engage in online sex. I don’t feel that way over our ‘fantasy date’ as I suggested it but I did on the two previous occasions when we chatted, even though you excited me at the time. I’m strong and not vulnerable and lonely but many people of both sexes on this site are and it is very disappointing to be made to feel desirable only to find out they are a means to an end. Just think about the consequences now you have felt that for yourself………. I feel a bit sorry for you in that you must lack self-confidence to behave as you are under some anonymity, but that is no excuse to abuse other vulnerable people. You might not have thought that is what you were doing but maybe now you will understand.’
I also suggested if he wanted to play those games, he should register on the ‘Naughty’ version of the site when it is what people expect.

With hindsight, having had a lot more experience of on-line sex on other sites, I think maybe I was a bit hard on him but I still believe it is a question of not picking on people one thinks is desperate for love or even attention.  I also think that this particular site, aimed specifically at older folk was the wrong place to be playing those games. I can be a hard woman!

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