Month 3 (Part 3) It seems I’m a GILF!

I’m told by my very good friend who is a ‘Woman of the World’ that I needed to have read Nancy Friday’s book ‘Men in Love’, a psychological book about men’s sexual fantasies and understanding them. I took her advice and downloaded it on to my Kindle. What a HUGE book. I consider I’m a fast reader but it took me days. However, I am so glad I did as it was to stand me in good stead over the next weeks. For fun, I was also lent the DVD box set of ‘The Secret Diary of a Call Girl’ with Billie Piper. My education was expanding dramatically, in all senses!20170128_115021

The latest dating site (4) was bringing mostly a very different type of interest. The demographic of the site, as well as being international is also mainly younger and although in my search criteria I had still put 58-78 years, the interest I was attracting (with my new photos) brought messages from age 20 up. I thought it was a mistake at first but apparently not. Just one lad of 23 and living in Africa was genuinely after a pen friend (yes we ‘talk’ nearly every day and I have learnt so much about his way of life) but others who ‘only wanted to talk’ eventually disclosed they were genuinely turned on by me, fancy that!

Several in their 30’s propositioned me in no uncertain terms. 4 or 5 times I was called a GILF – I had to ask my son what it meant. For those of my generation who are also baffled and haven’t a suitable younger person to ask, I suggest you consult Google! Was I shocked? Actually, apart from being technically incorrect as I have no grandchildren, I thought it was a hoot and quite flattered.

Particularly persistent were a local guy (as no pic was a bit worried in case we knew each other – we don’t, phew!) and one from Israel who was threatening to fly in to see me. I was already with women 2 years from your country and she was 72 years old, Please try. We talk and we will see, Ok?’ was just one of his persistent messages. Both these 2 were early 30’s and I probably disgraced myself but did a deal with them both that if I sent them some pix would they please leave me alone. Selfies have never been my strong point but I managed to take some boob pix and crop my face out of them.  On the understanding they would go no further, I sent them. I can’t say I wasn’t amused at the reaction and told myself in any case it’s little different to sunbathing topless on a beach (though that’s also something I wouldn’t do these days!).  One kept his side of the bargain after a bit more chat but I had to block the other. I kept the pix on file so I wouldn’t have to take more when required (as they surely were). For those that wanted pix of other areas, they were told  ‘I might do eroticism but I don’t do porn’. In any case even if I wanted to I couldn’t reach without a selfie stick! Just one other point before I leave this subject, why is that men, even when asked specifically not to, feel compelled to send ‘dick pix’ often having measured the length? One guy completely went the wrong way about trying to persuade me to send pix. First he offered to swap and I said definitely not, then he said would I sell some for money?  I was outraged (though I was smiling) and said absolutely not. He deleted his profile within hours (or maybe the site deleted him?). It wouldn’t have changed my answer but I did think maybe I should have asked how much he would have been willing to pay!

It was about this time, that someone suggested I write a Blog so here I am but there’s more to come.

Advertisements

Month 3 (Part 2) Wow! Feeling desirable again

Whilst I was winding up T of Chatham, I was also fielding lots of other interest. Amazing how adept one becomes at spotting a phony after a while. C of Mansion House (don’t these scammers research the areas of London they purport to come from?) had looked very attractive for all of ½ a day and two messages!

However, there were also nice people about. B of Dartford seems very sweet although maybe not very exciting. We still haven’t met but I think we will. Whether we are a match, time will tell. A of Canterbury is different story. He is a biker and from his photos looked a little unkempt. However, he is very honest in his (various) profiles about what he is and isn’t looking for. This is good for managing expectations, he said openly that he wasn’t looking for a wife or live-in lover but a live-out lover would be nice! We had been winking and sending odd messages back and forth since the start of joining site 1 and here he is on site 3. Because he does not live huge distances from me I had suggested a meet up early on, thinking whilst we might not be a match it would be good practice for me to have a date,mistletoe this was before I had met P of Croydon. At that point, although he was happy to meet, we couldn’t find a mutually convenient day/time and the moment passed. He had told me honestly that he was actively seeing 3 or 4 other ladies so I wasn’t surprised. Just before Christmas we decided to give it another go and met in a convenient pub for a drink. When he arrived, I was pleasantly surprised how smart he looked. We chatted for an hour or so, what a difference from my first date when we were searching for conversation topics. This time we talked easily and I had a really nice time and felt comfortable. He had joked before we met that he’d bring mistletoe and I mentioned it in the pub. He said we’d have a little kiss when we left. I was expecting a fairly chaste kiss in the car park. He invited me in the back of his car for 10 minutes and I thought ‘why not?  10 minutes, busy car park, I can do this.’  Well about 20 minutes later he escorted me back to my car in a gentlemanly manner whilst I straightened my clothing and pushed my hair back to some semblance of order. Wow, I hadn’t been kissed like that for a very long time!

Looking back on it now, some 4 weeks later (gosh only 4 weeks?) I think that was a big turning point for me. I started walking round with a silly grin on my face, a gleam in my eye and a spring in my step. Lots of people noticed it but didn’t necessarily know why. I started buying more sexy clothes not just to wear on dates but wearing them even to go to the supermarket. What was the matter with me? I’ve been this ‘pillar of the community’ for years and to friends and colleagues, although I hope most would have described me as kind, loyal, trustworthy, fun even, I think very few had seen the naughty side of me which was re-emerging. I hadn’t felt as good as this for about 30 years!

Christmas and New Year came and went and I felt ready to swim in a bigger pool.  I joined my first international dating site (4). This was a whole new ball game really. I got swamped with so many messages from Americans in particular but other nationalities too that I had to write a standard polite response saying I was hoping to date someone in person close to home and make it a copy and paste job. At least they got a reply. At this time, I also had a couple of photographs taken just to use on dating websites and removed all others I had posted. It occurred to me that as my daughter had been able to discover some scammers by searching for their images on the internet, someone could do the same to me. Whilst I had no dishonest intent, with the information I had posted, unwisely, about my life and with the photos, it wouldn’t take a Sherlock with a bit of internet savvy to track down exactly who I am and where I live which was a bit disturbing.

Month 3 (part 1) Is chat synonymous with online sex?

Things were beginning to move faster now.  My membership to dating website 1 had come to an end, and I wasn’t having great success with 2 so following the recommendation in a comparative article, I joined another site aimed at more mature people (3).  Actually this is a very similar layout to No 1 and unsurprisingly so as they are owned by the same group. Apparently there is a lot of ‘cross-patching’ between the sites too so there were a lot of familiar profiles on there. Nevertheless, there were some new faces as well. Early on, I got a message from G of Faversham. He asked if I was the lady he had met whilst walking his dog in my area. I was not but we messaged back and forth a few times and he obviously was lonely and just wanted to chat with someone of a similar age. I felt sorry for him so agreed to meet for a drink on the understanding it was just a drink and a chat and no further agenda. He was very nervous as it was his first date and mine with P was still fresh in my mind so I put him at his ease and he went away quite happy, I did too as he was very sweet but not my type and I felt I’d done my good deed.   man-head

Around this time I was getting lots of winks from T of Chatham. He had contacted me lots on website 1 too and I got fed up with asking him to post a photo and put some more details in his profile. In the end, he asked to chat and I agreed, it started out with pleasantries then he said something about liking larger women. He asked if I found that offensive and I said not at all as I know what I am. He then asked my measurements and I said (honestly) that I didn’t have a clue. He then asked my dress size and bra size and I furnished him with the info thinking he was sizing up whether he liked me or not. My friend sitting with me when I told her what he had asked got him right straight away. She said he’s sitting there in a dressing gown with his ’wang’ hanging out , getting off on this.  I didn’t heed her warning, though I acknowledged she could well be right. He then started describing what he would like to do with my breasts…. I let it go on a few minutes because actually he was arousing me but then I felt so ashamed that I just said, ‘I can’t go along with this’ and terminated the chat.

He sent lots more messages over the next 15 minutes asking me to go back on line. I didn’t and I felt very unsettled. The trouble was, although he made me feel a bit dirty, I actually had to admit that I had sort of enjoyed it deep down. To my shame, the next day, I kept looking out for him coming back on line and sure enough there he was. We chatted again but soon things went the way I expected and I was really getting quite excited when I once more felt so guilty that I terminated the conversation. Because I had asked him previously, several times to post a photograph and add more info to his profile without success, I offered to give him an e-mail address to send a photo to. After our second ’chat’ he agreed to send one.  Now seeing his e-mail address I realised that even the first name he was using on site was not real, He said it was his second name. I stewed for a bit then e-mailed him offering to play his game but under my rules. I said we’d have a fantasy on-line date and in this date I would come to his house (as I’d never seen his house he could make up what it was like). All he had to do was decide what he was going to wear for the date. He was so excited. I told him I’d give him an early Christmas present but Christmas only comes once a year and this would be a one-off and it was on the understanding we would never meet.

 

We had trouble arranging a mutually convenient time so in the end he had to wait nearly 24 hours for the date. In the meantime, I kept getting messages and e-mails saying how wonderful it was that he’d found someone on his own wavelength, to which I replied again that he hadn’t and pointed out it was a one-off. He suggested that we should meet to play out the roles for real, to which I reminded him that one of the conditions was that we’d never meet. I also received several messages telling me the effect the anticipation was having on him in quite graphic terms! I had to chastise him for using such explicit language on the on-line forum as I found it quite embarrassing and couldn’t delete it.

I have to say I was quite proud of my planned date I thought I’d used quite a bit of imagination and just planning it gave me quite a lot of pleasure. The morning came to play out the fantasy. He was wound tighter than a spring but I was actually very focused on getting the best result for him and quite cold about it all but I made myself sound very turned on and passionate. Well, I’m afraid the date has to be censored but just to say at the end of it when he had climaxed and was completely spent he said ‘Oh, this is love’ and I replied ‘No, this is sex’. He asked, ‘But you did enjoy it?’ and I said ‘I really enjoyed the planning of it, but was I aroused? Actually, not at all.’ This was absolutely true. He muttered he was late for something and had to go. He didn’t appear on line all the next day or most of the day after that and I started to feel a bit guilty in case I’d been too hard on him. I sent a message saying I was sorry if I’d hurt him but he needed to learn a lesson and perhaps he should live in the real world rather than a cyber one. Eventually he made contact saying it ‘felt very empty afterwards and he felt used’. I replied thus:

‘Although I wanted you to enjoy it, as you say it is not nice to feel used, but that is what ladies you chat to in a sexually explicit way are likely to feel. You post no photos and put very little on your profile then engage in online sex. I don’t feel that way over our ‘fantasy date’ as I suggested it but I did on the two previous occasions when we chatted, even though you excited me at the time. I’m strong and not vulnerable and lonely but many people of both sexes on this site are and it is very disappointing to be made to feel desirable only to find out they are a means to an end. Just think about the consequences now you have felt that for yourself………. I feel a bit sorry for you in that you must lack self-confidence to behave as you are under some anonymity, but that is no excuse to abuse other vulnerable people. You might not have thought that is what you were doing but maybe now you will understand.’
I also suggested if he wanted to play those games, he should register on the ‘Naughty’ version of the site when it is what people expect.

With hindsight, having had a lot more experience of on-line sex on other sites, I think maybe I was a bit hard on him but I still believe it is a question of not picking on people one thinks is desperate for love or even attention.  I also think that this particular site, aimed specifically at older folk was the wrong place to be playing those games. I can be a hard woman!

Month 2: Stalkers

After the disappointment of L from Cheapside, and also feeling rather foolish, I re-instated my membership of dating website 1 (when I ring-fingersuspended it they had given me another month free-of-charge and I’m never one to miss a bargain) and started all over. About this time I also decided that I should remove my wedding ring. I             suppose I have used it as a symbol that I am not available over the past years but seemed inappropriate now.

It is as well that from the start of this exercise, I have kept ‘files’ on anyone I talk to at all seriously. Maybe it is that old habits die hard but there were several advantages. For one thing it helped me to remember who was who and what had been said, it also meant I didn’t have to keep finding their profiles on the website and, as one knows every time someone visits your profile, the person concerned needn’t be aware when I was having a sneaky peek to remind myself who they were etc. However, they proved to have a more important use. These are just Word documents on which I copy the web profile, any pictures and copies of any significant e-mails or messages received added to the bottom. Amongst some of the other winks and expressions of interest, out of the blue I got an e-mail from Jack. ‘Thanks for sending me your email id, i must Confess you are very beautiful and i hope we can become best of friends, and hopefully take things to a new level, like i told you i am new to online dating and you are the first lady i am speaking with and i also hope you would be my last.’

The e-mail continued in the same vein and had a couple of nice pictures attached but by now I was very used to L’s style of writing and besides, in my files I knew I hadn’t spoken to a Jack and also knew who I had given this special e-mail address to. He got a short shrift e-mail back and I blocked him. One final thought on L. He hadn’t asked for any money so where was the scam? I am sure in my own mind he was mailing from abroad. I think he wanted me to meet him at the airport and take him to a hotel in the hopes I would now be so infatuated, that he would be able to persuade me to help him get a visa or whatever. I don’t know what he thought I would think when my handsome actor didn’t arrive, who knows? As I say, just a theory but the only logical one I can come up with.

Another strong suit came from J of Bray but by now, if I couldn’t find the photos on the internet myself, using the method my daughter had taught me, I sent them on to her as she is much better at it than I am. This guy hadn’t posted a photo but agreed to send some by e-mail, I supposed because there are fewer people who might catch you out. Within his long e-mails he used two expressions which stuck in my mind. The photos turned out to be of some millionaire publisher (no wonder he said he lived in Bray with an income of over £100K – earnings like that are always a danger sign!)

Another attractive individual was J from Walderslade but again his lifestyle seemed too good to believe but I try to be open-minded whilst cautious so we e-mailed and in his first long missive he used the phrases: ‘gentleman who lost my ex wife from bloody cancer’ and ‘but I am looking for my soul mate someone who has the locks to fit my keys, and the keys to fit my locks.’ And they immediately rang a bell. Back to my trusty files and there they were, sure enough. Sloppy copy and paste job , I thought!

I realise that whether I was being stalked by one man or two, I needed to get off the first site at the end of the month but before that I had joined Dating website 2, a bit more expensive but certainly more upmarket. It was not as good for me in that anyone I took a fancy to was either already seeing someone else or didn’t reciprocate my interest but I did get my first date out of it.

P of Croydon also hadn’t posted a photo which made me cautious but his profile looked interesting. I asked for a photo and he said he’d text me one if I wanted. I agreed and gave him my mobile number and a very nice photo was sent and it all checked out ok! He didn’t much like texting so asked if we could talk on the phone. As he already had my number for the photo I agreed and found he had a lovely Irish accent (not unexpected as that was in his profile). In conversation I asked what his former profession had been and he said he had been a GP and then the penny dropped why no photo, I guess the same would apply to teachers, lecturers, consultants etc. This is now why I don’t assume I know why.

We agreed to meet in London for a coffee as I would be in town that day anyway and I was quite excited as I really thought we could be a match. Sadly when we met, it appeared his photo could have been 10 years out of date but I might have forgiven him that if he hadn’t been so boring. The feeling was obviously mutual as we parted politely with no plans for a future meet. It was good to have broken my duck though.